Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

[buddy]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

thanks all its been a week already today and it aint got any better xxxxx

[hippie37]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Give yourself time buddy. It's not easy loosing a loved one under any circumstances let alone such harsh ones as these.

My dad died in 2003 from a massive stroke while under sedation for another problem which I believed to be caused by a ruptured esophagus when he had cameras and tubes stuck down his throat. My 3 cousins are all married to surgeons and experts in their fields and it was one of them who first proposed this could of been the case if extreme caution was not taken when he had this procedure done. I blamed the medical profession for years over my dad's death. But at the end of the day it was not going to bring him back and I just had to learn to let go.

cliche I now, but time is a great healer and It's still early days in your grief. Just don't let how he died take over that sense of loss you feel right now. It nearly destroyed me looking for blame.

Peace and Love
Hippie
xx

[buddy]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

well rich was laid to rest yesterday my new life now starts today im never going to see him smell him kiss him touch him hold hes hand and never hear hes voice again it hurts like hell and its not fare but nothing in life is ?? many thanks to this site it did help me and him but rich could never help himself no matter how much support ,love, i gave him . R.I.P rich love you and miss u big time tess xxxxx

[Waiting for his way out]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

My thoughts are with you Buddy. It is our biggest fear, the loss of someone we love so much. First come the tears and then the healing. Let time take its course.

[Carmac]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Co -

Please, please, please, put yourself first.

Every moment you give to him is one you can not be you. Yes it is hard. But eventually, he needs to care about him.

I know. I have been on both sides.

And the reality is, you can't help him if you are not healthy. You can't be there when he is ready to care about himself, unless you are healthy.

Keep writing to us...we care.

[Co Dependent]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for all the words of encourgement. Life has been a roller coaster ride since my last post. Where do I begin? Hubby got a prescription for the antiabuse and took it for about a week. He said it caused the screaming meemees and stopped taking it. So of course over time everything went right back the way it always does. This past weekend was about the same as always but I had enough. I left and told him I would not do this anymore. It was me or the AL. His choice to make. He checked himself back into detox this morning. I don't know if it will work this time or not. I doubt it. I think this is his way of making things better for a little while and then when I let my guard down were right back where we started from.

[Determinatrix]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Co Dependent -

I am sure this is causing a lot of heart break for you. While he is working on himself to get this under control, take this time to work on yourself to heal and renew.

You mention that when you let your guard down it all ends up back where you started. I want to encourage your to adjust your mindset. His over-drinking has nothing to do with you. No matter how high your guard, no matter how much you watch him and count his drinks, no matter. This is his to deal with, with or without you.

My life was filled with much more peace once I realized this.

Please care for your heart,
Dx

[Wish Upon a Star]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Co Dependant

I feel for you and know what your going through.

I know how hard it is and i always used to blame myself for my partners drinking and then i'd feel helpless when i couldn't help him. Since joining mwo i have started to realise that it's not me who is making him worse and there isn't anything i can do apart from be there when he needs me.

Determinatrix your words are so true and there isn't anything we can do.

Co dependant ... I wish you all the best and my thoughts are with you xx

Love

Wish xx

[Michaela]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

I'm so sorry Co that you are going through this. But as someone else said (I forgot who), I was given A TON OF "second chances" from my husband. My daughter told me that if she were HIM she would have left my DRUNK ASS ages ago. It took TEARS in my husbands eyes telling me he loved me and always would, but he couldn't live like this. He packed a bag. I still cry every time I picture his face and his words. I thought since he LOVED ME he would just accept me as I was. And I was the perfect wife aside from having a problem drinking. Needless to say, I am going on my 3rd month AF and found the ME that he fell in love with. I guess they call it TOUGH LOVE. I hope your husband GETS IT soon. I am proof, if you want something bad enough, you do whatever it takes. I want my husband and his love bad enough. I get mad when I think a STUPID BOTTLE almost tore us apart.

Big Hug to you.

Mich

[Co Dependent]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Detox didn't go so well. Hubby stayed in detox for 4 days. He stayed sober throughout the weekend and then went right back to drinking when I left for work on Monday. On Friday, he checked himself into in-patient rehab. He has been there since November 21st. He is supposed to come home next Monday. I'm starting to get nervous about him coming home. With him in re-hab, I haven't had to worry that he was safe. But once he comes home, I have to trust him not to drink. He has let me down so many times. How do I learn to trust him again? I've told myself that if he starts drinking again, I have to tell him to leave. I'm so afraid that I will have to do that. I love this man so much, but I can't live with his demons anymore. He tells me he can't go back to the way he was before going into rehab and he sounds confident. I just wish I could be confident too. But after so many disappointments, how can I be?

[Determinatrix]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Hi Co-De,

You have sounded very much at peace while he has been gone.
I wish I had some handy answer for you.
Does he have another place available to stay?
(I don't remember if you have children.)

Continue with your happiness. Keep your plans. Live your life.
Hopefully he chooses to live it with you.

Dx

[buddy]

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

well hi all well its nearly been a year for rich 28th september my first birthday without a card from him , my life has changed and so have i so much in the space of a year ... i turned to drink to heel the pain after losing rich tried to take my own life , nearly didnt make it stupid thing to do i know ive had lows and better times things went from bad to worse afte rrichards death for me and my girls but then i found a chat buddy we become good friends he helped me through my pain and heartache and saved my life and brought me and my girls closer then ever before , we are now a couple and im happy again i think of rich every day and will always hold hes memory close to my heart i wouldnt want anyone to go through what i have done it took 6 months ofr hes inquest to be over and done with he was 8 times over the limit !!!!!! dont live by it and die by it like rich did, hes words were so true if only he took hes own words and changed hes ways but i know its hard i was there for 6 years of it ,