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    #1

    Not sure what to do here really

    Not sure what to do here really. Hubby and I are planning a holiday and taking the MIL. She's over-joyed at the fact but phoned me with a concern. She said, 'I know I drink too much, it won't bother you will it?' Now, of course I'm aware of this fact and am prepared for it (I have to prepare myself for it everytime I go down for the weekend). My problem is I want to discourage it and don't quite know the way in. I know until the person themselves says 'I want to stop drinking' it's usually pointless trying. She's actually said that because we'll be around she'll probably drink less. Probably because she's said, 'I know I drink too much, it won't bother you will it?' it's a clear indication she's thinking about it - I don't know. Any thoughts? Funnily enough I recall her telling me she spoke to her doctor about her drinking and he wasn't concerned!!! Think she drinks around 2 bottles of wine a day, difficult to tell because she stocks up on the boxes. An interesting story though - her dog is getting old and she started buying it some special food to improve joint movement, she said to me, 'It's one box of wine less a week, worth it for the health of my dog.'

    I probably need to mention that she is disabled due to a back problem and claims she uses drink as extra pain killers, but to be honest she has always drunk (just not as much). I think a lot of it is boredom because of not being able to get out of the house much. The situation is awkward and difficult to approach.

    :thanks: in advance!
    Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message
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    #2
    Not sure what to do here really

    Vlad,

    Do what I do with my family, son, DIL, daughter and SIL.

    "Please don't drink around me if you can avoid it. I don't want to relapse. However, you can drink if you must. But I would much rather you drank when we aren't together."

    They have all complied. None of them want to see drunk Granny, that is for darned sure!! Drunk Granny is a really ugly sight.

    Good luck!!
    Cindi
    AF April 9, 2016

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      #3
      Not sure what to do here really

      Since she said "...it won't bother you, will it?" You have the perfect opening for an honest response. "I thought about it, and yes it will bother me as I will not be drinking,.......what Cindi said.

      Fight for your sobriety. Don't let family get in your way. At this stage of the game, make it your #1 priority every day, no matter what. You might aggravate a few people in the process, but your life and family are worth it.

      Best wishes,

      DG
      Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
      Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

      One day at a time.

      Comment

        #4
        Not sure what to do here really

        It's not how I will feel about her drinking around me, it's more the point I want to be reaching out (in a gentle way) somehow and discouraging it. Like slipping a copy of MWO somewhere in her house, LOL! Feel like I'm just ignoring it and letting her carry on. Hubby told me to say in reply, 'Yeah, I don't mind you drinking as long as you don't mind us having sex in the next room!' LOL!
        Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message

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          #5
          Not sure what to do here really

          I have to agree Vladster.

          Tell MIL that due to the fact that both you AND hubby are AF you'd rather she didn't drink in front of you. Good on you for thinking this through and asking for help!!
          "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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            #6
            Not sure what to do here really

            crossed paths there....

            ROFL I dare you!!! Attached files [img]/converted_files/612726=3769-attachment.gif[/img]
            "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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              #7
              Not sure what to do here really

              Well,

              If you follow Cinders idea, that is in a way, a gentle prodding for her. You are not demanding she abstain but requesting she do so in front of you.

              If it doesn't work, I vote for the sex solution. (Sex is ALWAYS the correct answer!)
              Happy to be AF Since 9.13.08

              Comment

                #8
                Not sure what to do here really

                ROFL yourself DeeBee with your emoticon you nicked from Yahoo! LOL! Think she'd be gob-struck if I said that.

                My problem is though, here I am on this site and we're all here giving each other support and the MIL - well... what about her? I suppose you're all here because you want to do something about it though. She doesn't... or does she, what if she does but can't bring herself to say? ARRRRRRRRRRGH!
                Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message

                Comment

                  #9
                  Not sure what to do here really

                  First time I went AF, she was inspired to do so herself but she lasted... well... she didn't.
                  Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Not sure what to do here really

                    I can understand how you feel and that you want to help her.I think that sometimes just having people see the positive change in us encourages them to try to get what we are getting SOBER.My youngest brother has been inspired by seeing me recovering and starting to love life again.He went to the DRs. and got Meds. to help stop smoking and drinking and had a few days AF for the first time in years.I also told him and several others that are struggling,about this website and I think some have joined.That is Little awkward for me and I don't think I will tell others that are close to me about MWO.If you don't want to lose your privacy then think twice before you do it...
                    sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

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                      #11
                      Not sure what to do here really

                      Think I also need to say that this holidays some time off. At the moment, I'm feeling at the end of my 30 days AF I have no intention of staying that way. I want to go back to moderation. Maybe by day 30 I'll feel different, who knows?
                      Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message

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                        #12
                        Not sure what to do here really

                        Have you spoken to MIL about this site Vlad? If not, maybe if you feel you can open up to her tell her about it and how great it has been for you - talk to her about your experience and see what feedback/reaction you get from her. Like you say, she has to want to do this for herself and maybe you can plant the seed.

                        My brother is heavily into drugs and drinking and my parents haven't seen him for 6 years and although it gives us sleepless nights we also don't know what to do as he denies that he has a problem.
                        "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Not sure what to do here really

                          evielou;403982 wrote: That is Little awkward for me and I don't think I will tell others that are close to me about MWO.If you don't want to lose your privacy then think twice before you do it...
                          Thanks Evielou - the MWO forum wouldn't be suitable as she can't really stand to sit at her computer anymore anyway. Talking about family members supposedly being inspirational - her own son (my BIL) was seriously ill with pancreatitis due to severe alcoholism 2 years ago, he hasn't touched a drop of AL since. He gets quite infuriated with her drinking.
                          Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message

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                            #14
                            Not sure what to do here really

                            I think the thing is, she claims her doctor has said her physical condition will take her before alcohol does. To me, alcohol only accelerates the situation and makes it worse, she's always falling (she can't walk well anyway) and then complaining she's in pain the next day. To be honest, I feel it's alcohol that WILL kill her.
                            Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Not sure what to do here really

                              ah, vlads, I know you want to help her, and you also want/need to help yourself. I agree with what Cindi and DG said. You have to leave the focus on you and your commitment to be AF. The best thing you can do for her, and her drinking, is to be a good role model, and part of that is demonstrating to her how important it is to you, and how YOU go about dealing with YOUR problem. And to listen to her if she wants to talk about it, the same way you would listen to someone here at MWO who is wondering what to do about alcohol. As for modding in the future... here's some advice you didn't ask for... but here goes: do you think that you will get to the point where alcohol is not so very important to you? From hearing you talk here, it seems as if your mind is heavily involved with alcohol. It would take a lot to get that over-involvement ramped downward enough so that drinking just didn't matter to you, one way or the other.... do you agree?

                              wip

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