Open Letter to My Sister
Evielou mentioned I posted something on the 29th. I'm not sure which post it was. I've been doing a lot of research into the physiological effects of alcohol, and how it differs between those who are alcohol dependent and those who aren't.
All people can drink, and drinking causes pleasure. Primarily the pleasure comes from alcohol exciting the serotonin system in our "mood-brain" which is our middle brain. This has the effect of amplifying our current mood. Contrary to common belief, alcohol does not by itself make you feel better. Often a sugary fruity drink and pleasant atmosphere are found to create a good mood to amplify. The term "angry drunk" simply refers to a person who was already in a bad mood, and AL by amplifying it will make the bad mood much worse.
While alcohol amplifies our "mood brain" it also shuts down our forebrain, which is the logical one. That's the part of our brain that handles logic, memory, thinking, morals, education, basically everything you've learned in your life. Luckily this shutdown last only 6-8 hours, but it's enough so that anyone who takes a couple drinks, will not act logically for a while.
So look at what you get: Enhanced mood, logic shut down. That's basically the "purpose" of alcohol.
Some of us, as we age, or the more we drink, obtain a special biology for it. It's not well studied, because we aren't normal. What doctor in the world is going to study abnormal people, particularly some that "choose" to be abnormal. One study I read says that our livers change to metabolize sucrose out of alcohol. It's more efficient than the old acetylehyde metabolization that most people do. Sucrose is blood sugar, and acetelehyde is basically vinegar. So your body turns wine to vinegar, but mine turns wine into sugar, so booze makes you sour and me sweet, get it? This is one reason why alcohol dependent people start getting pudgy, because they are literally eating their drink. In addition, the constant dosing of serotonin (the mood enhancer) and dopamine (which shuts down your smarts) in the brain cause the brain to restructure to expect this doping forever. The good thing is that you become a "smarter drunk" as your forebrain gains systems to cope with being shut down half the time. The bad news is the serotonin system of your "mood brain" gets out of control, not that it ever was in control because remember, your mid-brain is not capable of acting with logic, only with feeling.
When you dose your brain with serotonin, it tends to shut down the natural serotonin production cells, even as the receptors getting bathed in the chemical. Serotonin is extremely important to happiness. There's an entire class of drugs called SSRI's, like Zoloft to handle depression, who's sole purpose is to gently raise serotonin by decreasing the rate at which the body absorbs it after use. (SSRI = Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitor). Please recall that Zoloft is famous for causing suicidal feelings, murder, and amnesia, particularly for those who forget to take their daily pill. If people commit murder just by forgetting to take a gentle pill, what do you think the serotonin systems are like for those of us who've bathed our brains in alcohol-induced serotonin soup for years? For one thing, our natural serotonin production shut down way long ago, because it thought it wasn't needed. It takes days and weeks of abstinence for those cells to wake up and realize there's a job to do.
Daily alcohol use causes a lowering of the serotonin system. Each day, we flood our systems with it, but the next morning, our system fails to recover to the baseline. So each day we start with a lower and lower mood, one that can only be fixed by our drug. After weeks and months of this cycle, we become emotionally fragile, weepy, emotional, frightened, and paranoid. Our Forebrain, ever adaptive, applies some cleverness and becomes co-dependent with the mood brain. It is ever creative in games like "find the money" and "hide the bottle", in it's own attempt to coddle the crying mood-brain and keep it satisfied.
So for those of us who have become dependent on Alcohol, it is as necessary for daily life as water or food. Our bodies "crave" the sucrose in every cell. Our brains, the logical and the moody ones, play out a daily co-dependent drama to get what is necessary to maintain the balance. So our serotonin deprived mood, we live in a biological prison camp. When our "gruel" is not available, and when no amount of begging for the necessary chemical will work, conniving, lying, deception, and deceit all become the "logical" road required to stabilize the system.
Yes, we know that perfectly normal people live perfectly normal lives without it. We would not be on this site if we did not know it or seek being normal. But the detox process affects so much of the physiology, chemistry, and mental stability that it takes a huge effort to be a success. For instance, my first 7 days AF I lost 7 lbs. A pound a day! Do you know any diet where you can lose weight that fast? What probably happened was my liver, unable to metabolize alcohol as it had for the prior 22 years, attacked my fat instead and ate it up. I like it! Even if I totally stopped eating, I would not lose weight that fast. For me, the metabolic changes from abstinence exceed those from starvation.
Imagine a "flu" where you lose 7 lbs in 7 days, spend your time sweating and trying to sleep, and feeling clinically depressed to the point of suicide. That's a bit what going Alcohol Free feels like. Everyone who goes through this has got to be a superhero. It takes such an incredible act of will to undergo the suffering and making the change.
I know it well, since I've done it three times in the last six weeks. I've made 7 days three times, and slipped every time. I'm going to do it again starting tomorrow. This is one roller coaster ride that will never be at Six Flags! I would rather bungie jump off the world's highest tower, in a pink spandex spiderman suit with big huge letters "I'm Stupid" than ever endure Day 2 again. And according to some on this site I'll probably go through Day 2 a dozen more times before I get success.
I hope this is what Evie was talking about. It's not a solution to your problem with your sister. It's simply an explanation that there IS a biological basis to alcohol dependence, and that those of us here on this site are working together to find the inner strength we need to end it. I'm hoping your sister can soon also find the strength, and that you will find positive ways to affirm it.
I hear my older brother has a bigger drinking problem than I ever did. However, he and I have not spoken in 12 years, and my Christmas gifts to his family are ignored. I've actually never understood why he cut communication to me while maintaining it with my three other siblings. I think in his haze he's simply trying to hide in a cave. Since I grew up the same as him, in the same years, same schools, same friends, I can recognize his lies and distortions better than anyone in the world. He doesn't speak to me, because I can call him out in every one of his little deceptions and tricks. In a way I wish he would write a post and at least get some dialog going. Probably not going to happen. You are doing well to reach out to your sister. Good luck.
Evielou mentioned I posted something on the 29th. I'm not sure which post it was. I've been doing a lot of research into the physiological effects of alcohol, and how it differs between those who are alcohol dependent and those who aren't.
All people can drink, and drinking causes pleasure. Primarily the pleasure comes from alcohol exciting the serotonin system in our "mood-brain" which is our middle brain. This has the effect of amplifying our current mood. Contrary to common belief, alcohol does not by itself make you feel better. Often a sugary fruity drink and pleasant atmosphere are found to create a good mood to amplify. The term "angry drunk" simply refers to a person who was already in a bad mood, and AL by amplifying it will make the bad mood much worse.
While alcohol amplifies our "mood brain" it also shuts down our forebrain, which is the logical one. That's the part of our brain that handles logic, memory, thinking, morals, education, basically everything you've learned in your life. Luckily this shutdown last only 6-8 hours, but it's enough so that anyone who takes a couple drinks, will not act logically for a while.
So look at what you get: Enhanced mood, logic shut down. That's basically the "purpose" of alcohol.
Some of us, as we age, or the more we drink, obtain a special biology for it. It's not well studied, because we aren't normal. What doctor in the world is going to study abnormal people, particularly some that "choose" to be abnormal. One study I read says that our livers change to metabolize sucrose out of alcohol. It's more efficient than the old acetylehyde metabolization that most people do. Sucrose is blood sugar, and acetelehyde is basically vinegar. So your body turns wine to vinegar, but mine turns wine into sugar, so booze makes you sour and me sweet, get it? This is one reason why alcohol dependent people start getting pudgy, because they are literally eating their drink. In addition, the constant dosing of serotonin (the mood enhancer) and dopamine (which shuts down your smarts) in the brain cause the brain to restructure to expect this doping forever. The good thing is that you become a "smarter drunk" as your forebrain gains systems to cope with being shut down half the time. The bad news is the serotonin system of your "mood brain" gets out of control, not that it ever was in control because remember, your mid-brain is not capable of acting with logic, only with feeling.
When you dose your brain with serotonin, it tends to shut down the natural serotonin production cells, even as the receptors getting bathed in the chemical. Serotonin is extremely important to happiness. There's an entire class of drugs called SSRI's, like Zoloft to handle depression, who's sole purpose is to gently raise serotonin by decreasing the rate at which the body absorbs it after use. (SSRI = Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitor). Please recall that Zoloft is famous for causing suicidal feelings, murder, and amnesia, particularly for those who forget to take their daily pill. If people commit murder just by forgetting to take a gentle pill, what do you think the serotonin systems are like for those of us who've bathed our brains in alcohol-induced serotonin soup for years? For one thing, our natural serotonin production shut down way long ago, because it thought it wasn't needed. It takes days and weeks of abstinence for those cells to wake up and realize there's a job to do.
Daily alcohol use causes a lowering of the serotonin system. Each day, we flood our systems with it, but the next morning, our system fails to recover to the baseline. So each day we start with a lower and lower mood, one that can only be fixed by our drug. After weeks and months of this cycle, we become emotionally fragile, weepy, emotional, frightened, and paranoid. Our Forebrain, ever adaptive, applies some cleverness and becomes co-dependent with the mood brain. It is ever creative in games like "find the money" and "hide the bottle", in it's own attempt to coddle the crying mood-brain and keep it satisfied.
So for those of us who have become dependent on Alcohol, it is as necessary for daily life as water or food. Our bodies "crave" the sucrose in every cell. Our brains, the logical and the moody ones, play out a daily co-dependent drama to get what is necessary to maintain the balance. So our serotonin deprived mood, we live in a biological prison camp. When our "gruel" is not available, and when no amount of begging for the necessary chemical will work, conniving, lying, deception, and deceit all become the "logical" road required to stabilize the system.
Yes, we know that perfectly normal people live perfectly normal lives without it. We would not be on this site if we did not know it or seek being normal. But the detox process affects so much of the physiology, chemistry, and mental stability that it takes a huge effort to be a success. For instance, my first 7 days AF I lost 7 lbs. A pound a day! Do you know any diet where you can lose weight that fast? What probably happened was my liver, unable to metabolize alcohol as it had for the prior 22 years, attacked my fat instead and ate it up. I like it! Even if I totally stopped eating, I would not lose weight that fast. For me, the metabolic changes from abstinence exceed those from starvation.
Imagine a "flu" where you lose 7 lbs in 7 days, spend your time sweating and trying to sleep, and feeling clinically depressed to the point of suicide. That's a bit what going Alcohol Free feels like. Everyone who goes through this has got to be a superhero. It takes such an incredible act of will to undergo the suffering and making the change.
I know it well, since I've done it three times in the last six weeks. I've made 7 days three times, and slipped every time. I'm going to do it again starting tomorrow. This is one roller coaster ride that will never be at Six Flags! I would rather bungie jump off the world's highest tower, in a pink spandex spiderman suit with big huge letters "I'm Stupid" than ever endure Day 2 again. And according to some on this site I'll probably go through Day 2 a dozen more times before I get success.
I hope this is what Evie was talking about. It's not a solution to your problem with your sister. It's simply an explanation that there IS a biological basis to alcohol dependence, and that those of us here on this site are working together to find the inner strength we need to end it. I'm hoping your sister can soon also find the strength, and that you will find positive ways to affirm it.
I hear my older brother has a bigger drinking problem than I ever did. However, he and I have not spoken in 12 years, and my Christmas gifts to his family are ignored. I've actually never understood why he cut communication to me while maintaining it with my three other siblings. I think in his haze he's simply trying to hide in a cave. Since I grew up the same as him, in the same years, same schools, same friends, I can recognize his lies and distortions better than anyone in the world. He doesn't speak to me, because I can call him out in every one of his little deceptions and tricks. In a way I wish he would write a post and at least get some dialog going. Probably not going to happen. You are doing well to reach out to your sister. Good luck.
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