Hope this helps you all understand

[startingover]

Hope this helps you all understand

Wish, I hope that KP gets the help the needs and you get support too. It is a very difficult situation for both of you I do understand that. My prayers are with both of you.

[Michaela]

Hope this helps you all understand

Wish. Cy is very lucky to have you in his life. I'm a little shocked at his being WORSE with MWO. He seemed so on track a month or so back. He was excited about telling the counselor he had yet another week under his belt. And was always excited to cook special meals for you and his daughter. Was there something that went wrong?

I hope and pray everything works out for all parties involved in Cy's life. Whatever way it may be.

Please keep us posted if you can. We are all worried.

Mich

[nancy]

Hope this helps you all understand

Well, I am never in favor of edicts, and esp not in favor about bans on this website.

I think that this particular requirement may not be right.

But if you want to deliver an ultimatum about drinking that is a different story and that is within your rights. This problem is not just about a website. You are just trying to contain it as if it is the problem of the website. Also, sometimes in the past, jealousy has been aroused by the relationships formed here. And that is fair enough too. But be honest about it. Maybe it isn't just the alcohol. Did you see the film When a man loves a woman? Are you threatened by the relationships he forms here? I think that would be understandable, but not necessarily his fault.

You need to remember you can't force him to do this. You can encourage him but you can't force, because that can be counter-productive. If you were his wife you would prob, in my opinion have a right to force, but you are his gf.

You may need to let him go as painful as that is, until he gets his act together. Talk to some older people who are close to you about this or a counselor. It's hard but it can be done.

And gyco, geez, what a shame that the first of your posts understandable to me were so nasty. I just have to attribute it to the painkillers you have been talking about and that you might not be sober when you post.

[bloggy]

Hope this helps you all understand

Hi Wish-

Lovely to have you here- even if it wasn't your choice

Here's my take on the whole thing.

I remember Cy's first posts and he said his binges would typically go on for days at a time- I myself have found from my own experiences and those other alcoholics that I know personally and see on a near daily basis this is a 'normal' progression of our disease, so that did not come about because he started using this site.

To my knowledge he has had 2, and now maybe again, 3 relapses since he has been coming here?

Personally I think that is fantastic, he has done much better than me.

MWO for me will not stop me drinking- I need a bit more help than I can get from a site- some of us are more advanced with our alcoholism than others, but I don't see how visiting a site like MWO can make it worse?
There might be a period where I am bad and I visit MWO, but MWO didn't do it- I did it, and would have done it anyway.

I do understand it must be VERY VERY difficult for a non drinker to understand the alkie mind- and that is why we need to talk to each other because we do understand each other- just like mums have a common bond non mums don't have, and geeky people like my BF need to converse with other geeks.

I think CY needs to communicate with others like him- probably better offline as well as online, maybe it will help him, maybe it won't- but it certainly won't make him worse- my alkie brain will come up with all sorts of reasons to drink but because I logged on here, isn't actually one of them!

I do wish you luck, you are very young to have all this on your shoulders, but maybe taking a step back could be as helpful as anything else. He will work out His Way Out, nobody else can do it for him. If my BF tried to tell me how to go about it, I don't think I could be in our relationship.

[Bella]

Hope this helps you all understand

Marbella......So well said! I think that is the best advice ever......Bella XXXX

[A Work in Progress]

Hope this helps you all understand

I agree with OneTwo and Marbs... I don't think MWO "causes" or even contributes to binges or relapses, but the way we use it, might. And the way we respond to an attempt to limit our access to anything that we see as helpful or supportive might, as well. Again, it is back to us, the problem drinkers. We need to watch our behavior, our thoughts, and our emotions. If we are using MWO in a way that does NOT contribute to learning healthy coping skills, or helping us to work through triggers and urges; or if we respond to attempts to control us with resentment, trying to please others, and/or sneaking around, or anything like that.... we will find that we are likely to relapse.

It's totally up to us.

wip

[bloggy]

Hope this helps you all understand

Yes exactly WIP.

It is such a hard thing for us and others to understand, but the only ones who can get us out of this are ourselves, individually.

Take a breather Wish, do some nice things for yourself- you can be supportive of Cy, but that is about it really- he has to decide what helps him and what doesn't.

[LVT25]

Hope this helps you all understand

Nice replies everyone. I have been thinking about the comment wishing made about CY's drinking being worse since coming to MWO. I wonder if the binges could be worse because he has made so many new friends here, and the guilt and shame could cause one to "become worse". I don't know...but I sincerely hope you two can work this out and get some "hands on" help--maybe for both of you. For now, get a copy of "Co-dependent No More" it will help you understand a little better. :h

[bloggy]

Hope this helps you all understand

The thing is, no-one can know how much better or worse he would be if he hadn't come here. Even if he has seemed worse, he could have been 10 times 'worse' wiithout this place!

I think he knows if it has helped him or not- and only him.

For some folk, they feel it has saved their lives- for me I am really grateful for the people I have met and lots of the wise things I have read, and Yes, my drinking has got much better, but maybe it would have done anyway...I know I just enjoy being able to converse with others who understand where I am coming from.

[A Work in Progress]

Hope this helps you all understand

one2many;466414 wrote: Right, I am being honest here.....Cy was doing great,at day 37......positive and proud of himself, he did mention that he was geting hassle over coming here and it was upseting him and this went on and on and then he came on very upset and told us he had to leave as he had been given a choice.......then he came back(obviously because he missed the site and the support of others and he was positive for a while and back on track) but is still getting flak...I think this has a lot to do with it.......trying to stay sober and being told that you cannot log on to a website that you believe is helping you.....is not a recipe for sucess...trying to pick between your girlfriend and a website for recovery does not help either...in fact it just fuels the fire.
I am sorry for being blunt but this is how I honestly see it and there is no point in beating around the bush. I do think he may need something more than MWO at this point but he needs to find his own tools to fight this.

Oney, I agree, that's how it looked to me, too. But, being equally blunt and honest... Our loved ones are going to make all sorts of claims and demands on us when they are worried about our drinking, and/or if it seems we are withdrawing from them emotionally... it is up to US to deal with it. Life is going to throw all kinds of stressors and crises and the needs of others at us, and we HAVE to learn to deal with it without drinking. Several of us suggested that the best thing to do when given an "ultimatum" is to clearly state one's own needs, with respect to recovery, and let the chips fall where they may. Yes that is VERY hard to do... but many things are. That's how recovery is... learning to deal with it, when our loved ones make demands on us, is part of the deal...

wip

[bloggy]

Hope this helps you all understand

Exactly- we are all adults and lots of our insecurities and alcohol abuse stem from our childhoods.

For me part of my recovery is me deciding what is good for me- not somebody else who doesn't have a clue where I am coming from.

[Michaela]

Hope this helps you all understand

I totally agree with everything written. Just my own personal experience. I know if I was asked to curtail my drinking, or NOT do something, it would only MAKE ME want to do it more because I AM MY OWN PERSON AND CAN DO WHAT I WANT. You wait for what seems like an eternity to do what you want to do when you finally grow up and to have someone give you rules again at least for ME had the opposite effect.

It's a hard, long road I agree, but it helps to have someone drive with you than alone.

Again, best wishes for the best outcome.

Mich

[Accountable for Me]

Hope this helps you all understand

I think it is fantastic you came here and posted how 'you' felt/feel about Cymru and MWO. Don't ever forget that you have feelings too and his drinking is not helping your relationship. I think I would be jelouse if the tables were turned and my spouse was the heavy drinker and I was not. I would wonder why my husband was being sucked in by a website. I would question it.

I think the problem is communication between the both of you. Why don't you go onto the threads and read up on what this site is about and how it benefits us because we can relate to one another. If Cymru doesn't feel shy, why not sit in with him and let him show you around here. Most human beings jump to conclusions or assume the worst. I think once you understand the MWO concept, you won't feel the need to give him ultimatums.

No one really understands an alcoholic like another alcoholic. It is a dark world that we live in. What a wonderful thing to find a group of people who really understand. We begin to realize we are not alone with this affliction.... and that we matter in this world too. The shame starts to dwindle because we bond here with others. We can be open and honest without any judgement. Support is what we need and support is what we get.

I honestly believe that once we find connections with others with simular problems we begin to heal. A lot of our problems besides the addiction part is getting people to understand what we are going through. Here we find it - so we gain confidence and courage to start making changes.

This site definitely saved my life and that is no BS.

Stick around. Share with your man. I think he might even appreciate you more and this will open that door of communication if you involve yourself in this part of his life.