So Here We Are,

[DeeBee]

So Here We Are,

Deep breaths are in order! I don't have any words of comfort .... just know that I am thinking of you!

[Waiting for his way out]

So Here We Are,

I don't get it anymore. How can you tell someone how lucky you are to have her, without her you would be dead and so on.. and then go back and do exactly what creates the problem in the first place. How can you be sorry for doing the same things hundreds of times?
Right now, I have lost all faith in him, just as I was rebuilding some. He continues the lies and deception.
I am fully aware the severity of the drinking has subsided, but somehow that should make me feel better? okay, so he does not drinking nearly as much, a fraction of what used to be, but he apparently has still not stopped, while giving me the impression and the promise he had. He also promised if he had not stopped by the end of November he would seek real one-on-one help, now of course he refuses.
Just so MAD and greatly disappointed today.

[DeeBee]

So Here We Are,

Ah Waiting, your post makes me want to cry -- I can hear the dissapiontment and anger.
I have just read a book called "A million little pieces" Have you heard of it? The author goes into detail about his parents feelings and his feelings towards his parents (he's young) and it really gives me more insight to how us AL can destroy our loved ones trust and faith in us.

[Waiting for his way out]

So Here We Are,

I am just so angry today, I know tomorrow is another day. What I am concerned about is that everytime this happens I add another brick to the wall between us. I feel more indifferent and more distant each time, when the anger has passed.
I will look for the book.

[cyclefan]

So Here We Are,

Was this the deal breaker Waiting?

[Waiting for his way out]

So Here We Are,

I wish I had the answer. I don't follow through with the promises made to myself. I end up giving him one more chance, I have lost count of how many. Some days (like today) I want to get it over with and not try anymore. But, part of me already knows tomorrow when I am not so angry anymore... I will give him one more chance, again. The difference is, from the past, i become a little "harden" each time. No tears, no dispair, just anger and disappointment. I am afraid the day will come when I will not get angry anymore, could I get to the point of "I really don't care" or "whatever". That point seems to get closer and closer with each lie and deception.

[cyclefan]

So Here We Are,

I am sorry. There is a little something is all of us I think that wishes we could take the hurt away from the nice people in the world. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I do not. I take a lot of Dr. Laura's advice myself. She is harsh though.

[Waiting for his way out]

So Here We Are,

I am only verbally harsh, inside I am too soft. thank you for your kind words.

[copper]

So Here We Are,

Dear Waiting, When I have more time I will post more, but I totally understand where you are coming from. The hurt, the anger.

I will log on later. ~~Copper

[Waiting for his way out]

So Here We Are,

Thanks Copper, as the hours pass I am feeling better. I was really furious yesterday and this morning. He does not understand that each time he does this, everything else from the past resurfaces after I spent so much time and effort putting it all away. I am more frustrating now than angry.

[Determinatrix]

So Here We Are,

Waiting -

All you can do is inspire. He must be willing to be inspired.

I got a PM from another member in our shoes (the spouse of one with an alcohol dependence). She decided to let go; detach. She continued with her plans, even tho he was too drunk to attend. She continued to make a wonderful meal, even tho he was too sick to eat it. She chose to no longer bounce off of his scenario, but instead continue her own. She is happier for it. And maybe he will bounce off her scenario. She chose not to make his drinking the most important part of her day. That still does not make it easy. It's hard on the heart. But it's a lot healthier than living every moment based on someone else's unhealthy choices for you.

I hope you recieve this as it is intended - with tenderness and sympathy.

Dx

[gyco]

So Here We Are,

my dear it is not about you,there are many threads here of the illness ,yes illness we hav,my wife has had many trying days,and so hav i with her womenly illnesses,are they not the same,oops i got a head ache, or ive started my period,three times in a month holy shit,my yungest daughter once told me,i would of left yur sorry ass a long time ago,hello,is it tht bad ,LEAVE,thts wht i told her to do,many times,out of the frustration of not knowing wht to do,trust me you aint seen nothing yet,you wont cure him,he has to do tht,will life get better for him if he totally stops, i dought it ive been there,as far as the hidin thing were still lookin for all my stashes,get off yur hi horse and ask him if he wants help,then get it,send him to canada,homewood, ontario,theyll fix, him,gyco you mt not like wht you see

[copper]

So Here We Are,

Hi His way,
I am not sure about the post from gyno, since I do not log on very often, I must be missing something. And I don't know what alot of the slang means.
Our Thanksgiving started with Rach being upset with us for asking my family to be AF. (that one I know) She pretty much blasted me, (for which I was glad, because she usually keeps it bottled up inside, then it adds to the "anger", misplaced or not, it's still anger) I apolised, then the weekend came and went and it was wonderful. A lot of fun.
Since she had gotten a job (part time) we let her take her car back to her apt., and we have not spoken to her since, there have been one or two contacts and this was through "Facebook". I got a email from her councelor telling us she missed her appointment one day, and the deal was, between all of us, once she misses one appointment without calling first we are done paying for them. She had done this to us to many times when she was living here. (lying cheating and stealing)
Then we got an "email" from our daughter saying her cell phone was dead, and she 'thinks" she missed a therapy appointment, this was 3 days after the fact. I told her she could talk to the therapist and to have her therapist call me, and so far nothing. So I doubt she talked to the therapist, and since her usual MO is drinking when she has no contact with us, we figure she is drinking.
The worst part is not knowing, in our hearts of hearts knowing she is drinking, and here Christmas is coming up and I have been checking on flights for her to come out with us to visit her sisters for the holiday. She found out about that, we're flying out, and clocked out on that too. But we thought since she was applying to inpatient therapy she might be unavailable. We booked our flights a month ago, thinking we'd have time to book one for her if she was available and sober. Just that plainly we do not want to be around her when she is drinking. None of us.
Is that awful? How do you do it living with your husband day in and day out? I can't imagin it, our daughter lives away from us now and it is so much easier. I have to put a "distance" emotionally between us, or else is is to painful.
I think Determinatrix post was right on, to go about living your own life. And I do know that has got to be hard. You love him and want to help, but there is nothing you can do....there isn't enough love in the world to change someone. And I know it sound selfish to think of yourself, but you've got too. I don't even know if you have children or not.
I am going to close, know that I am thinking about you and praying for you and your husband, that is all anyone can do. I don't know how people who have no faith deal with problems like this.
sincerely...copper

[LVT25]

So Here We Are,

Dear Waiting--

I'm so sorry about the "BUT". I just feel for you. I remember too well what if feels like to be married to someone that lies, and lies, and how helpless it feels because we know how sick they are. That must be why they do it, why else? Nothing else makes sense.
If he said he would go to counseling, he should go. Even though they have an addiction, doesn't mean they can't get help! In my case, I was going to AlAnon, and I started praying like crazy--you know "Let go and Let God". I finally woke up one day and knew what I had to do. It was one of the hardest choices I've ever made. But I'm glad I did it when I did.
Take care. :l

[Beaches]

So Here We Are,

Dear Waiting, thank you for posting. It does open one's eyes to the effects that drinking has on family members. I hope the weekend went well for you and that you are feeling a little bit better.
With respect, Beaches