We are the other side

[Waiting for his way out]

We, the people who are not addicted to AL, are the other side of the coin. Often we are perceived as the other person, husban, wife or family member who does not understand the struggles you are living with, the battle and temptations you face each day. But, just for a moment consider who WE are...
We are the people who spend the evening alone because you are past out on the sofa from drinking too much,or sometimes we eat alone because dinner did not happen or was such a disaster
We are the people who heard you say the painful things, you only say while you are drunk..and they hurt for days, weeks, months
We are the people who remember those terrrible things, you cannot remember them and we try to figure out what is real and is not..how do we know?
We are the ones who stay by the phone waiting for the possible Police phone call or Hospital phone call
We are the people who have sleepless nights wondering what to do and how to help only to find out there is not much we can do, but hang in there or completely give up
and yes, we are the angry people who retaliate, rant and rage out of pain and frustration
We are you, sober. With all our unselfish love, believe or not.

[startingover]

We are the other side

I hear you waiting, I know I have hurt people through my drinking, just as my father hurt me through his..

[Waiting for his way out]

We are the other side

Thank you. Too many people say they have to do this for themselves, others don't understand or the non-drinker should just leave them alone, seek their own way and happiness, etc..
When you make the decision to live, to marry or to commit to someone you, you also have to accountable for their feelings, their well being and consequences of your actions. The people around you become part of your responsibilities, unless you choose to live alone and independent from all others.
"He or she does not understand me" is no longer an option. He or she is part of your life and as such is part of the good and the bad. The bad hurts.

[dexterhead]

We are the other side

This is such a wonderful post, Waiting. We don't hear the other side all that often. I know there is this divide between this who can take or leave a drink, and those who can. And nearly everyone here is on the other side of that chasm. Thank you for this.
It might be good to post this in a more general thread so more people see it, if you feel comfortable doing that.

[on my way]

We are the other side

Thanks for the reminder... I need them all the time. Keeps me keeping on.

xoxoxo, nat

[Suzanna]

We are the other side

That was such a powerful post, Waiting... it really gives me a feeling that I need to pause and think about what this is doing to the folks around me. Most of the time I think I just go in to sleep and get up again and function, but probably truthfully I may hurt people in ways I don't even know or realize.

[Heavenly]

We are the other side

Thankyou for also reminding me why I should never drink again ... I think we need you on our

'30 days and beyond' thread in Long term abstainers ...

I admire your strength and courage to keep going in face all of the disheartening things you are

encountering ...

[gyco]

We are the other side

waiting ,hi,i will be tender with you,i don't know how you feel, i was the other b4.my wife waited,like you many years,im sober rt now,off and on for 39 years,i cant say all stop for ever,i believe i have found a way,sometimes as alcohol abusers we want to bring all down with us,id like to say theres a way for your husband,my wife and i were talking about it today,after all the years we ve been together she finally came to a conclusion she couldn't help me,i had to help me,i wish you well,gyco

[stepintime]

We are the other side

That was 'lovely'.

I have total admiration for those who stand by 'us'. It can't be easy, as we can be a very selfish bunch.

What is it they say? ....love the sinner, hate the sin.

My BF would agree with everything you said.
He always says ......
" I love you. It's part of who you are.I wish it wasnt, but it is. And we fight it together"

great post

[Ryder]

We are the other side

Wow, waiting, you are an amazIng person. I have never posted but I have been lurking here since April 2008. You have touched me with your strength. I realized in April what I had done to my own wife and our relationship. I accepted my addiction. But she was done already. And 6 months later, in October, she moved out. I had tried to make it up but the damage was done. I saw your post at Thanksgiving and was so happy to see that you were so excited about Mr. Waiting making it for 'seven weeks longer' than anytime in the past 14 years. You are so strong and commited. Clearly something has changed and you are angry and frightened. If Mr. Waiting has commited he surely is feeling guilty and angry with a backslide. Waiting, you are a good person, a very big, caring, compassionate person. You will have to make the choice. It is difficult, but from what I have read you will know what's right for you. Mr. Waiting will be very lucky if you have the capacity for forgiveness and the patience to move forward. But if you can't, he will know his responsibility and what he needs to do. I have been separated 3 months. It sucks but EVERY day I have to remember what I have done to her and give her the time to recharge and realize that the new me is for real. It is a long hard road but I created this mess, accept responsibility for it and will fight for the life that WE had, which I f---ed up. Good luck to you, Waiting, and be confident in yourself and your future. Talk it out. I am so impressed with you and your strength.
Tom

[akgirl]

We are the other side

Wonderful post!

[sunshine_gg]

We are the other side

Thank you Waiting.

Yes, it's good to have a reminder like this post now and again.

[boozehag]

We are the other side

Hi Waiting
You know Ryder may have a very good point there. I am not trying to be mean but maybe an ultimatum is required. You cant put your life on hold forever can you. I have been watching those intervention programmes lately and a lot of them do seem to involve the families giving an ultimatum to the drinker that the relationship will change unless the person is committed to doing something about it. Is your other half doing something about his drinking or in denial?
BH

[rubywillow]

We are the other side

Waiting, every word you spoke was spoken about me, as if you had talked to Hubs and shared your feelings. In my case, I thank God Hubs waited for me to find 'my way out'. You are a powerful woman, and you will make the right decision for yourself. Thank you for saying these things (again) to me, lest I forget. Hang in there, girl.
Rubes

[KateH1]

We are the other side

Waiting....It is obvious that you have a lot of love an compassion, not to mention patience! But, the only one that can make the changes neccessary to heal your family is Mr. Waiting....in the meantime, you must go on with your life...you must live your life. Remember worrying does not stop bad things from happening. Worrying will not make your husband stop his reckless behavior. and, unfortunately drinking is a selfish sport......totally self centered. I say this as one, who for many years, excelled at this sport! I am grateful that I woke up and stopped over a year ago. I hope never to take another drink and I am working hard at that.

Perhaps Allanon meetings would help you. I understand that you will receive a lot of support there and ideas on how you can move forward with your life, with or without him. I truly hope that you find the answers that work best for you and your family.

Wishing you the Very Best,
Kate