I am looking for advice. For some background: I was on a website called sober recovery where they had some excerpts from "under the influence" I think it was called, and they posted some text from the chapters on late stage alcoholism. My best friend's mother is in this terrible stage, and the excerpt from the book that was posted, though extremely sad, tragic, and scary, is quite the picture of her life right now:
"Eventually the reality of what the alcoholic's life has become can no longer be ignored. The rationalizations, denials, and excuses crumble, and the alcoholic is left with the spectacle of his wasted and broken life. He may seek permanent and immediate escape from this crushing knowledge through suicide; he may fear both death and life without alcohol and so continue to drink until death puts an end to his misery; he may experience vague religious or spiritual desires, hoping for a miracle to pull him out of the mess of his life and return his sanity and self-respect; or he may begin to look for help. Tragically, help usually consists of a brief drying out period, after which the alcoholic simply returns to his old lifestyle. He may be given pills or told to report to an out-patient counseling program. With this minimum level of help and support, the late-stage alcoholic has only a slim chance of starting a recovery from his disease.
The alcoholic's addiction is now obvious to even the most casual observer. He is the classic picture of the Skid Road bum. All the family's efforts appear to have ended in failure, and failure breeds fear, frustration, and resentment. The alcoholic's spouse and children may lash back at him; screaming, hysterical battles may rock the household and destroy any remaining hope of an end to the long and bitter tragedy. The family may suddenly stop fighting and simply give up, convinced that they can only provide the alcoholic with a warm place to sleep and food to eat. Or, having lost all hope, they may pack up and leave him to his misery.
Whatever course the family takes, they are usually as emotionally sick as the alcoholic. The wife or husband may feel responsible; he or she also feels worthless, incompetent, useless, and unloved, and suffers crippling guilt and self-pity. The alcoholic's children are also battle scarred. All the solid foundations of love, security, and predictaqbility have been knocked out from underneath them, and they are frightened and torn apart with doubts and fears: "Will he die? Does he hate me? Is it my fault? Why can't I do something?"
The late-stage alcoholic is usually isolated from his friends and relatives. Social contacts have disintegrated. Neighbors lower their eyes. Relatives may be so paralyzed by anger or grief that they, too, stop trying. The alcoholic "problem" is ignored, put out of mind, locked away where it cannot hurt so much. The late-stage alcoholic is not totally alone, however, for he is in frequent contact with the caretakers of our society - the policemen, social workers, doctors, emergency room personnel, and public health nurses. These are the people who will either refer him for effective help or finally pull the sheet over his head."
AND THEN, this is what gets me because my friend, my mother (friend of my friend's mother), and myself and who knows who else in the family, are struggling wanting to help, feeling guilt, etc. - so THEN, the chapter excerpt says:
"Help must come fast for the late-stage alcoholic, but it must be the right kind of help. With effective intervention and treatment, even the most advanced, deathly ill alcoholic may recover. The human organism has extrordinary abilities to restore or compensate for damaged tissues. The surviving cells and regenerate, poisons can be flushed out, and the body can begin the slow process of healing itself. Most alcoholics now sober were once considered "hopeless" by the people close to them."
So, my question is, What is the right kind of help? Does anyone have experience with someone who got out of this stage of the disease? She has had a couple of what they say "brief drying out periods" but she has gone back to alcohol each time. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
"Eventually the reality of what the alcoholic's life has become can no longer be ignored. The rationalizations, denials, and excuses crumble, and the alcoholic is left with the spectacle of his wasted and broken life. He may seek permanent and immediate escape from this crushing knowledge through suicide; he may fear both death and life without alcohol and so continue to drink until death puts an end to his misery; he may experience vague religious or spiritual desires, hoping for a miracle to pull him out of the mess of his life and return his sanity and self-respect; or he may begin to look for help. Tragically, help usually consists of a brief drying out period, after which the alcoholic simply returns to his old lifestyle. He may be given pills or told to report to an out-patient counseling program. With this minimum level of help and support, the late-stage alcoholic has only a slim chance of starting a recovery from his disease.
The alcoholic's addiction is now obvious to even the most casual observer. He is the classic picture of the Skid Road bum. All the family's efforts appear to have ended in failure, and failure breeds fear, frustration, and resentment. The alcoholic's spouse and children may lash back at him; screaming, hysterical battles may rock the household and destroy any remaining hope of an end to the long and bitter tragedy. The family may suddenly stop fighting and simply give up, convinced that they can only provide the alcoholic with a warm place to sleep and food to eat. Or, having lost all hope, they may pack up and leave him to his misery.
Whatever course the family takes, they are usually as emotionally sick as the alcoholic. The wife or husband may feel responsible; he or she also feels worthless, incompetent, useless, and unloved, and suffers crippling guilt and self-pity. The alcoholic's children are also battle scarred. All the solid foundations of love, security, and predictaqbility have been knocked out from underneath them, and they are frightened and torn apart with doubts and fears: "Will he die? Does he hate me? Is it my fault? Why can't I do something?"
The late-stage alcoholic is usually isolated from his friends and relatives. Social contacts have disintegrated. Neighbors lower their eyes. Relatives may be so paralyzed by anger or grief that they, too, stop trying. The alcoholic "problem" is ignored, put out of mind, locked away where it cannot hurt so much. The late-stage alcoholic is not totally alone, however, for he is in frequent contact with the caretakers of our society - the policemen, social workers, doctors, emergency room personnel, and public health nurses. These are the people who will either refer him for effective help or finally pull the sheet over his head."
AND THEN, this is what gets me because my friend, my mother (friend of my friend's mother), and myself and who knows who else in the family, are struggling wanting to help, feeling guilt, etc. - so THEN, the chapter excerpt says:
"Help must come fast for the late-stage alcoholic, but it must be the right kind of help. With effective intervention and treatment, even the most advanced, deathly ill alcoholic may recover. The human organism has extrordinary abilities to restore or compensate for damaged tissues. The surviving cells and regenerate, poisons can be flushed out, and the body can begin the slow process of healing itself. Most alcoholics now sober were once considered "hopeless" by the people close to them."
So, my question is, What is the right kind of help? Does anyone have experience with someone who got out of this stage of the disease? She has had a couple of what they say "brief drying out periods" but she has gone back to alcohol each time. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
This time 4 SURE!
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