Sad and alone in my husband's battle

[Tilly23]

Hi there, I'm new to this forum and not really sure how it works, but I would like to hear from someone who has a spouse or loved one who is an alcoholic and won't accept it. My husband has probably been an alcoholic for over 15 years. I think he's worse than ever at the moment and is in self destruct mode. I'm so sad watching this incredibly intelligent man turned to a dribbling baby because of his addictions. He drink drives and it's getting worse. It's just a matter of time before the inevitable, I don't know how he's still here - so sad...:new:

[Suni]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Hi Tilly,
You may feel alone but you are not alone. I have no answers for you, except to say that there is a whole army of people on here wishing you all the love and strength in the world. I can't support your husband but I can support you. You still have hope. It must be hell to live with someone you love who is destroying themselves and the people around them and I am full of admiration for you staying with him but don't let it destroy your hope. Things could change yet.
Alcoholics are often extremely bright people which is sometimes the problem. I wonder if it's the void that they cant face. This is a great place to be and you will get plenty out of being on here from the many regular members who seem to speak right from the heart.

[adi]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Hi Tilly,
I wanted to welcome you and offer my support.

Does your husband still work ?
Does he drink in the evening or is he drinking in the day too?

Have you discussed it with him when he is ober, or is he completely in denial ?
You must try not to let it affect you, and your sanity.
Perhaps sugest to him that you go and give him a few days to think about it.

I would show him this site, or tell him you are worried and are looking it up.
Choose a sober moment though.

Good luck.

[tiptronic_ct]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Hey, Tilly

I could easily have been your husband a few months ago... Thanks to this site & my family, I am alive today, and getting better.

Please, please, please introduce him to this place if you can.

Having said that, he can only get better if he wants it for himself. No easy answers, I'm afraid.

Best of luck to you! Please PM me if you'd like to.

[Tilly23]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Hi there - thanks for your posts. In answer to the questions yes he is still working and he drinks after work, buys a bottle of vodka or wine and drinks it in the car before he goes to casino or pokies to blow money. He doesn't drink in the day but drinks himself into a bad way at least 3 to 4 times a week. Only time he doesn't drink too much is if I am with him 24/7. I'm so sick of it but don't know what to do.

[irish eyes]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Tilly23;760699 wrote: Hi there - thanks for your posts. In answer to the questions yes he is still working and he drinks after work, buys a bottle of vodka or wine and drinks it in the car before he goes to casino or pokies to blow money. He doesn't drink in the day but drinks himself into a bad way at least 3 to 4 times a week. Only time he doesn't drink too much is if I am with him 24/7. I'm so sick of it but don't know what to do.

Tilly living with active alcoholism is too much for most people. It is really important that you concentrate on yourself, your recovery from this dreadful addiction because the reality is that you are affected. It is impossible for you to be with him 24/7 and neither would that be good for him. He has to find his own way. My advice is that u find an AL Anon meeting for yourself. Here you will meet people who are affected and concerned by loved ones drinking and you will get all the emotional support and help that you need at this stressful time. :l

[crown86]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Tilly

I know the hell your going through because I caused it in my own relationship. Living with an alcholic can be hell. I have caused more wacky insane to say the least alchol related incedences in my relationship than I have hairs on my head. My Fiance screamed at me when sober your an alcholic, cried your an alcholic, tried telling me very very nicely your an alcholic please get help. She tried everything to make me see this. i drank so much one night and passed out she tried to get me up I wouldnt wake up my eyes were rolling in my head she said she called the ambulance. I come to on the stretcher tell them i am going nowhere the abulance crew calls the cops and bang I'm cuffed off to the nut ward locked up for 3 days. I have never been hand cuffed in my life or aressted. I owned my home in the high dollar part of town made a great income...was mortified to think my neighbors saw me come out of my house drunk and hand cuffed. Did that stop me from drinking? Nope. Did that make me think I even had a problem? Nope just thought i had alot going on and I simply had a little too much. The more my fiance bitched and pleaded with me the more I drank..kinda like who the hell are you calling an alcholic watch this I can control it. I really dont know why its so hard for an alcholic to admit theres a problem when there is so much hell going around them and in them. I just could never see it or wanted to admit it. Like calling me and alcholic was like calling me a skid row bum or something. Plus the other big kicker when an alcholic hears hey please stop drinking its like what did you say? for me I drank when times were good or bad happy or sad didnt matter. All the hell around me well there were the good times and some of the best times in my life were when I was drunk with friends and to just think that could never ever happen again? No way your crazy. I was recently speaking to a very good friend of mine i mean very close. We have none each other since kids we are both in our early 40's. He is having the same problems with booze I was having I flat out told him I Think I am alcholic..his problems are IDENTICAL to mine but he was still dancing around the word alcholic. I would never call him one only he can make his mind up. It's insane I know. You are probably wondering what woke me up? She finaly said enough is enough Im out we are done. We were engaged and have been together for 4 years and she was the love of my life. She watched me suffer with depression caused by booze and about drink myself to death. I put her through hell. I was jeckly and hyde. The saddest part about alcholism till the drinker wants help on his own the bottle will win everytime. I am sure you have heard the term hit bottom. The bottom for me was my fiance leaving and me deep down knowing the real reason why. She said over and over its me or that fucking bottle unfortunatly I what appeared to her chose the bottle. I realized too late my addiction had gone too far I had no choice to make anymore the bottle did the choosing for me. I am currently trying to beat alcholism for myself not to try and get her back she has had enough all my empty promises and please baby give me one more chance expired long ago. Her leaving made me realize yes I have a problem with alchol. Yes my life is in a shambles and reality its all over booze. Once i start drinking I cant stop regardless of all the hell that comes along with it. I played all the games with my girl...i will only drink beer..you know its the hard liquor that causes the problems...what do i do? down 15 or so beers then its shot time right in front of her like this time will be different. I then became a verbaly abusive monster out of the blue and so out of chracter for me. My advice to you would be approach him sober tell him your very worried about him and does HE think theres a problem. If he says no then its up to you on how much hell you are willing to put up with till he hits a bottom or ever hits a bottom. That is the sad reality to it. If he says there might be a problem then there are quite a few people here to point you and him in the right direction...I have just come to terms with the fact I am an alcholic so I am in no way qualified to give advice on a method of sobriety..me personally i have just started The sinclair method. I hope it works out for you I know the hell because like I said i have caused it. Good Luck

[palmer]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Is there really a way out??

Tilly23;758299 wrote: Hi there, I'm new to this forum and not really sure how it works, but I would like to hear from someone who has a spouse or loved one who is an alcoholic and won't accept it. My husband has probably been an alcoholic for over 15 years. I think he's worse than ever at the moment and is in self destruct mode. I'm so sad watching this incredibly intelligent man turned to a dribbling baby because of his addictions. He drink drives and it's getting worse. It's just a matter of time before the inevitable, I don't know how he's still here - so sad...:new:

Tilly, This is also my first time and, your headline caught my attention. I feel so trapped in my marriage. Although, it's his addiction one that he won't admit to. I'm the one that's effected by it. It's so exhausting!! I have been looking for a web site to just have someone to talk to. I feel like I'm in his world all by myself. I've lost all the love I once had for him! He has totally destroyed that. I'm not sure I'll ever get it back or at this point if I even want to. Do you go to AA meetings? I never have but, my friend tells me I should.:upset::new:

[Winefree]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Palmer, start a new thread so you get more people to check it out.
I've never gone to Al Anon but my husband did when he was frustrated with MY drinking. He learned that there was nothing he could do for me. I had to want it myself.
You should find many others in your shoes there. Give it a try.

Winefree
since 5/2/09

[AMELIA]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Welcome Palmer,
It really does sound like you could use some support.
Do start a new thread as Winefree suggests.
Check out your local Al Anon meetings and do everything you can to try to keep yourself sane.
I hope your husband does eventually find a way out of his booze hell.
Sober, he would probably be a completely different person to be around.

[addictionfree]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

There is hope

hi tilly im new to this place so i hope you will excuse me if i make eny mistakes 15 yrs ago my wife was in the same position as you married to me an alcoholic i have been with my wife wsince she was 14 we have been married 30yrs now she grew up with me as an alcoholic exept when i was younger i didnt understand the word i put her through hell which i regret very deeply we had three boys she brought them up on her own i was all ways on another planet the problem i suspect with your husband is deep down he loves drinking or loved drinking i suspect you had some goodtimes i know we did he is probabley still trying to recover some of those times but im afraid they will never return i know through my own experiance it can never be the case it just gets worse i put my last drink down 15 yrs ago
i was in a very bad stait when i finally give up the fight its true only your husband can clime this long mountain but there is lots of help around well how did it happen for me thats another story i may right a book and yes my wife is still with me one day i asked my wife wye she stayd with me she said because she loved me and she new the man on the outside
wasnt the man on the inside it was a long hard battle and so it will be for the pair of you
but love can cross many rivers i hope you two make it just try to hang on in there sorry about the spelling never was much good at it. trying to find a spelling thing on this sight but i dont think it as one never been on one of these sights before good luck hoped this as given you a bit of hope :new:

[Doggygirl]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Hi Tilly. Your husband's drinking progression sounds a lot like my own. I am so thankful that recovery is possible for all of us. However, your husband has to want it for himself.

I second the suggestion of Alanon. I go to AA and have met many of the spouses who participate in Alanon - lots of them started going to Alanon long before their AA's went to AA. The Alanon people can help you figure out how to carry on with your own life and not enable the addiction cycle in your husband. That won't get him sober but it might help you stay sane.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[Maggie Humphreys]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

Hi Tilly
I've just join this forum as I too am still desperate for a solution to my husbands' alcoholism. I can only say that Al Anon is helping me, but I am also in therapy to try and find a way through this truly horrific illness. I, in fact no longer live in the same house as my husband because I simply couldn't live with him any more. He is 71 and has been an alcoholic all his life. However for 15 years he gained sobriety and then at 65 just decided he needed to drink again and it was just too much. Our kids have been so badly affected. My daughter was just 15 when he started again and I had to leave for her sake as his behaviour became intolerable. I have stood by him, because I still love him, although I can do nothing for him now. It is heartbreaking and I feel I have wasted large parts of my life, but through Al Anon I have learned to find my own life again and keep things in perspective. My children read lots of literature and are slowly coming to terms with things as they are, rather than how they would wish.
But its a long hard slog. The very best of luck with your problem - I hope you find help on the forum or elsewhere.

[fennel]

Sad and alone in my husband's battle

I'm going to echo adi...have you spoken with him about your concerns? If not, do so, when he is sober. My partner spoke with me about her concerns, which is why I'm on this 30 day challenge (although I came on a week late). It's not so easy to drink in a carefree manner when you know you're damaging your relationship.