Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

[stacey-michelle]

Hi, I am new here and not sure on all of this. I have been married for 3 years but we have been together for almost 7. Out of those 7 years he has drank. At first I was ok with it, but soon it turned out to be something I can't live with anymore. Long story short I had to call the police on him and have him arrested because he was so drunk he threatened to kill himself. Police came and took him to the hospital were he was commited for 6 days. I get so mad to the point I can't control my rage towards him it scares me! I guess I feel it is the only way for me at that moment to get him to hurt as much as he hurts me. We are doing better, he has a slew of different docs. Lots of meds, and we are going to a faith based 12 step program. I have become very depressed also now and have put on 30 pounds. We are working together to heal ourselves. I just wish I knew it was going to get easier.

[hippie37]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Morning Stacey.

I was like a tornado causing as much devastation as I possibly could in my family. But the problem was, I couldn't even see it because all's I cared about was me. I was caught up obsessed with finding ways and means to get my next drink. When I didn't have it, I was a nightmare to live with.

My mother felt so helpless slowly watching her son kill himself through drink and drugs and not knowing whether she was coming or going half the time. It's through that feeling of helplessness and frustration that the anger started to rear it's ugly head. She used to call me Jeckle and Hyde because as soon as I started drinking she knew where it was going to take me. Yet I always told her things would be different THIS TIME. I lied and manipulated without even knowing it; emotionally raping and blackmailing my own mother just so I could get drink.

I manipulated everyone who was close to me. My brothers, my partner (now ex partner) and her family, my father, my grandmother, (both passed away whilst I was still active in addiction) and most of all my mother.

I learned through going through a 12 step treatment centre that this IS a family illness because everyone close to us is effected by our actions. Whilst in treatment I had a family meeting with my mother who finally got to tell me some home truths and tell me just how she was feeling. Finally it wasn't ALL about ME. It was probably one of the the worst days I had in treatment (I had many to be honest!). But it was probably the best thing that could of happened for me, because I started to put myself in other people's shoes for once. I even tried to blame my mum for my alcoholism during this meeting too!! Saying that if she had detached from me sooner I may not of been in the mess I was in because I'd of hit on hard times a lot sooner. That just goes to show you the level of manipulation and blame and 'rational' thinking that I was caught up in. I was very delusional and very much in denial for a long, long time. But to me this was 'normal' behaviour and I didn't know any different.

Today I'm just over 18 months clean and sober. I was a chronic relapser before I went into treatment and I owe my life to that place and the fellowship of AA. Nothing has worked for me in the past. Not even this place if I'm honest with you. That's not to say this is not a great place for support. It is. I've made some wonderful friends here. But the only person that could do anything for me was ME. I needed to do the work and get myself sober. I needed face to face support to get me out of the isolation that I'd found with my drinking during the latter years in addiction.

Your husband HAS to be willing to do this for himself without other people trying to get him sober. He has to want sobriety for himself first and foremost. My experience has
been that everytime I've tried to get sober for other people (mainly my mum and my 5 year old daughter) is hasn't worked. It's lasted a few months usually before I started letting everyone down again. Then the poor victim mentality would come in "poor me!" and everyone would give me a pat on the back for trying; and then ask me to get back on the wagon. Which I did for another few months maybe.

If he's serious about getting well and wanting to stand on his own two feet then he's going to need a lot of support from like minded people i.e. fellow alcoholics. I believe the therapeutic value of one alcoholic helping another alcoholic is unparalleled. Everyone has something to teach us about our behaviours and patterns of thinking but we alcoholics know what it is like to be caught up obsessing about drink more than anyone!!

Keep posting Stacey and let us know how you're getting on too.

Many Blessings
Phil
x

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Wow Phil, thank you for that.

[paguy]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

hippie37;929872 wrote: Your husband HAS to be willing to do this for himself without other people trying to get him sober. He has to want sobriety for himself first and foremost. My experience has been that everytime I've tried to get sober for other people (mainly my mum and my 5 year old daughter) is hasn't worked. It's lasted a few months usually before I started letting everyone down again.

Very powerful message, Phil. This has been my own personal experience. In the past, I focused on trying to be sober for other people because I was letting them down. Now, the strongest motivatiion for me is to do this for myself. Although it may sound selfish, I know in my heart it is the only way I can stick with it.

Best wishes to you and your husband, Stacey. Please come back for more support and information. This is a great community.

[harishnayak]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Im a drinking husband w/o any violence or harm to anyone. My wife doesn't say anything to me even though i drink everyday ( this is still a mystery for me ).

Have been trying to quit for a while due to health reasons but dont see any motivation to do so

[Pride before Fall]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Welcome HN. I hope this place can help you sort through your feelings about alcohol. I think health reasons are a pretty big motivation!

Try this area of the site, it's the best area to get some support and feedback as a newbie (particularly "Newbie's nest").

Just Starting Out? - My Way Out Forums

Good luck!

Pride

[Gaia]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Hi Phil,

That was a great post. Thank you.

Stacey I'm sorry for your suffering. Has he considered a rehab program? After his 6 days without AL it was an opportunity to start something. He also sounds depressive. Do you think he would talk to a therapist?

With love,
T.

[asha29]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Thank u Phil.

[gyco]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

life is what it is

stacey-michelle;929688 wrote: Hi, I am new here and not sure on all of this. I have been married for 3 years but we have been together for almost 7. Out of those 7 years he has drank. At first I was ok with it, but soon it turned out to be something I can't live with anymore. Long story short I had to call the police on him and have him arrested because he was so drunk he threatened to kill himself. Police came and took him to the hospital were he was commited for 6 days. I get so mad to the point I can't control my rage towards him it scares me! I guess I feel it is the only way for me at that moment to get him to hurt as much as he hurts me. We are doing better, he has a slew of different docs. Lots of meds, and we are going to a faith based 12 step program. I have become very depressed also now and have put on 30 pounds. We are working together to heal ourselves. I just wish I knew it was going to get easier.

:welcome:hi stacey M,your story is so familiar,6 days wont cure a person,been there a few times,detox,hospital stays[psychiatric ward]twice,theres a very few, beleive it or not not ,that understand, alchoholism and drug addiction,i also was in treatment for 31 days,the treatment helped,but i also new if i had to stay longer i would not be here,:upset:some swear by AA,some just get it,alchoholic,heavy drinker,it is not normal the way some of us drank,it is all about self medication,it does take the pain away,of things in our past that were done,is there help,YES,but the people that deal with this ailment want to need the help,or it will not work,:thanks:i wsh you well there s always alanon,gyco

[Amy_Prohabition]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Stacey we could be soul sisters!!! Not only do I feel that my husbands addiction has turned me into a monster, but it has stolen my soul.

I am 28 years old and have been married to an addict for 6 years together for 8. We have gone through periods of alcoholism, methamphetamine abuse, oxycotin abuse, short periods of sobriety scattered in between, and now working on a three year stretch of active alcoholism.

My response to your question when will it be easier?

All I can say is it never does; it just changes. One day you will feel like you will survive the next thirty years living with the addict, the next day you would rather crawl under a rock then look that person in the eye.

But what can happen is we can learn to identify with our feelings and nurture them as they occur. When you feel miserable care for yourself and show yourself kindness. When you have a good day use it to your advantage.

You get bonus points for two things: knowing you are depressed and noticing the change in your health *the weight gain* (im in the same boat). When we are aware of our "self problems" we have the power to heal ourselves.

Focus on yourself. Go to a doc for a chat and do a ten minute walk a day to start. The more time you invest in yourself the less time you feel your dispare.

[Willow23]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

harishnayak;930379 wrote: Im a drinking husband w/o any violence or harm to anyone. My wife doesn't say anything to me even though i drink everyday ( this is still a mystery for me ).

Have been trying to quit for a while due to health reasons but dont see any motivation to do so

I feel for you too HN. I'm going to do it, partly for health reasons, also partly because my husband hates it. It's caused a fair amount of arguments between us, he is teetotal now because he hates the affect AL has on me. So if I drink (I dont even drink every day) he gets judgmental, goes off into a sulk, we argue (with me actually being the passive, calm one) and then I drink even more as an emotional crutch.

So it's frightening and what worries me is that I know deep down, I'm not really doing it for me. And maybe that's just setting myself up for failure. But I want to make things better for him, and for our 2 children and I'm the only one who can do it. I guess I just want to be the bigger person.

Stacey - I really hope things get better for you. My husband would totally get where you're coming from.

[reeve12]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

I might advice you to take him to a doctor and get some medication as well as therapies from him to treat this bad habit of your husband. He can be healed if taken proper care and medication. You need to act fast before he does something insane.

[LibraryGirl]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

The first post was nearly 2 years ago. No telling what happened. I hope her husband (and she) got some help.

[janka]

Husbands drinking addiction has turned me into a monster.

Doctors fail consistently. Give him warm hugs and leave him alone.