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    #1

    Why is this forum so quiet?

    I'm the wife of an alcoholic and when I found this board a few months ago it was like a breath of fresh air. The information I've found here has made a HUGE difference to my husband. Both by the support he's found here and the vitamins and medication he has started taking. I fully believe that we are very close to the end of this horrid part of our lives.

    I read all around the forums and post quite a bit on the medications boards but I find it such a pity that this section isn't a bit more lively. So if you're lurking please pop in and say hi.:welcome:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Why is this forum so quiet?

    Ally I'm delighted your husband is doing well, I agree it seems a shame more families don't use this section as I can imagine there would be so much to share and a huge amount of support would be welcome.

    My ex husband is an alcoholic and his drinking was one of the main reasons we split up. He knows I'm no longer drinking but sadly his is still out of control, in fact I heard some shocking details today re the amount he is now drinking and I fear for his life. I still love him very much but as he is now with someone else it's difficult for me to try and offer him help.

    I hope you get some more responses and wish you well.
    "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
    AF - JAN 1st 2010
    NF - May 1996

    Comment

      #3
      Why is this forum so quiet?

      Hi Ally,

      It's so nice to see you here! I wish my uncles could have had the opportunity to find MWO YEARS ago when my 3 alcoholic aunts were destroying their lives and those of their families. My cousins were deprived of happy childhoods because my aunts were blazing alcoholics....not allowing my cousins to have friends over after school because then "somebody might find out I like to drink." My aunts were cruel to my uncles and their children when they were drinking (which was all the time). All that was available at that time was Al Anon and my cousins were forbidden to go because of course, my aunts didn't think they had a problem.

      I am glad your husband is doing so much better. He is lucky to have you! :-)

      Comment

        #4
        Why is this forum so quiet?

        Hi Ally,

        I agree with you completely! I don't know why this area of the forum doesn't get more traffic as I'm sure it would help many people out. I posted here once when I was upset about my boyfriends drinking. There seamed to be some lurking but not many responses. Only one. I'm not sure why this is. My sister is married to a problem drinker and I'd told her about this sight thinking she could get some support here. But since then I've told her to go to al anon. That really helped me years ago. Anyway it's a great question and I'm glad you asked it. Also I'm glad your husband is recovering and things are hopeful for you both. :l

        :h Choice

        Comment

          #5
          Why is this forum so quiet?

          I used this site for a few months a couple of years ago when things with my sister were real bad. She introduced me to the site. I recently have come back because she's going through a pretty rough patch again and I was hurting about it. I knew people here would help me get some perspective. I tend to post in the other areas for the very reason you have pointed out...for some reason this thread doesn't get much action.

          Maybe its because most of us family members are enablers of some kind, and with other addicts having access to our thoughts and feelings, we don't want to offend anyone?? Don't know if that's true, just a thought. I know I tend to be very careful about how I say things, growing up with an unpredictable sister has led me to become hyper sensitive about phrasing my thoughts and feelings.

          It's actually only been recently that I have become more blunt with how I deal with my sister. I suppose its no surprise then that she has decided to stop talking to me.

          Alright now, all you other family members, that's my theory...but what do you think about why we don't post back more often?

          Comment

            #6
            Why is this forum so quiet?

            I seldom post on the Family Members .... because of the guilt I feel about how I affect my own family.

            Just a thought....

            Cindi
            AF April 9, 2016

            Comment

              #7
              Why is this forum so quiet?

              Hi all

              I find this interesting. A while ago I looked at this forum, because I find it very hard to deal with my family now that I am sober. Most people in my family is alcoholics and so was I. Of course I also chose an alkie as a husband who I am separated from.

              How do one talk about hurtful actions of these alcoholics if I did the exact same things a while ago??
              Many people here also tries to help, where I came to the conclusion that I need to break all ties with them...


              I don't post here because it makes me feel like a hypocrite and I don't want to encourage others to leave their spouses.

              I am a family member who is affected by drinking, but I am also still fighting the beast.
              12-20-2012 AF
              Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

              Comment

                #8
                Why is this forum so quiet?

                Bump

                Comment

                  #9
                  Why is this forum so quiet?

                  I find it hard to post on here...I have tried ever so many times to write my story about my mam's drinking & how it affected the family and especially the last few years of my Dad's life. I start to write it and its just all too painful...maybe one day.
                  AF since 9 May 2012
                  Quit trying to control something that is uncontrollable (Bear February 08)

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Why is this forum so quiet?

                    Janice;1352088 wrote: I find it hard to post on here...I have tried ever so many times to write my story about my mam's drinking & how it affected the family and especially the last few years of my Dad's life. I start to write it and its just all too painful...maybe one day.
                    Hi everyone,
                    I'm so glad this thread popped again as I am dealing with my husband who doesn't drink and all his rage at me for all the things I have done in our 15 year marriage.

                    JANICE I think your post IMHO comes closest as to why this thread is so silent. I can of course only speak to my direct situation but over the years , I watched my husband turn from a good hearted occasionally volatile person into a completely enraged, vulgar, distant, cold hearted man. If he is any indication of what Family Members come to, then to me it is no surprise that if they were fortunate to find MWO (and let's face it, this vsite is not that old and it's primary function is for problem drinkers..I know I know, Al is a family disease but...) they would not want to visit those awful places which for the most part (at least my husbands part) they feel they have been completely victimized, humiliated, duped, conned...you name it. I can look at bottles of Wine and say, "yep, that wrecked my life. My husband will look at ME and says ' Yep, SHE wrecked my life. Now I just want to get as far away from all that as possible..." And that's him still wanting to stay Married !

                    So I can understand why non drinkers who have had to put up with me do not want to go there anymore. My husband has already had the endless nights of talking talking talking.... Which just sank us deeper into AL oblivion.

                    Do I think he would benefit a zillion times over from reading and posting here?
                    ABSOLUTELY! And if I stay married to him, I will nudge him over here. My children already look a little with me on here. My son gets a kick out if the Avatars.

                    Sorry to drone on. But just my thoughts over here. I would LOVE IT if more non drinkers family members posted here because i am desperate for their views, their perspective on what the hell i just did and well, I'm certainly not going to get a wide selection of views from my Husband! He's made it pretty clear which view of all this he has and there's not a damn thing I can do about it...

                    Hugs:l
                    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Why is this forum so quiet?

                      hi everyone

                      and especially kradle.

                      My husband is an alcoholic...I actually never drank until we got together 13 years ago, and then i got in the habit of drinking with him all the time. The funny thing is, his drinking has sort of steadied, he is still sort of drunk every night, but not to the degree i was. I understand where your husband is coming from, I begged my partner for many years to give up, then just joined him. It was a way for me to deal with the anger i felt towards his drinking. I actually have more understanding now that i have developed my own alcohol problem.

                      I think when your husband sees the changes in you,and believes they are there to stay , some of his resentment may leave? Can both of you go to a counselor? It really sounds like he needs to be able to express whats hes feeling, and it may be a more supportive place for you to be able to hear it.

                      I think it must be very hard for you to have him acting like this...dont let it stop your amazing efforts though. And please do not let the guilt get to you too much.

                      I'm rambling, been a long day. I hope things go well for you. (((hugs)))

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