just found out...

[confused]

I've just found out that my partner is an alcoholic three days ago and I haven't stopped crying.
I feel like my whole life has crumbled under my feet.

I hadn't seen him for four days before he told me and he kept saying that he's sick. He didn't go to work for three days. On Wednesday night it all came out over the phone. He broke down and told me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I feel shattered and have been in a total haze for the last three days.

As soon as he told me I went to pick him up from his house and brought him over to mine.
He was with me for two nights. On the morning after the second night I told him that I love him but can't help him. I guess I feel betrayed. I really thought that I could go through it with him and my immediate reaction was that I wanted to help him.

What's even more confusing is that my closest friend's partner has a recovering alcoholic mum. She has been sober for 15 years and her advice was to walk away immediately....

Please, can someone give me their thoughts?
thanks all

[Guest]

just found out...

it's sad but...

A recovering alcoholic told you to walk away. That's advice from someone who has been there. I'm married to an alcoholic and I argree with her. You can't help one who can't help themselves. You can be supportive in their recovery, but even that will cause plenty of heartache.

[Saint Jude]

just found out...

Being an alcoholic/problem drinker/binge drinker... whatever label you want to choose... Before I found this place...

I screwed up on a weekly & sometimes daily basis. Thank God ... and MY WAY OUT... for 2nd chances.

I know if my Family had given up on me it would have made it all that much harder to find a way to believe in myself. But I believe for true progress and healing to take place, it has to begin with the drinker themselves WANTING to make the change.

I don't think walking away & offering no support whatsoever is an answer. Look at how many people are finding strength and support by coming here.
This place wouldn't exist if everyone took that type of attitude to heart. Thank God for people like RJ!

[Paddy]

just found out...

You're right, but ... it probably depends how deep your relationship is. Is it just starting? Or have you been together for years, married kids. I guess it's dangerous to be too black or white on the issue.

But frankly, if the person is just starting a relationship and finds out her b-friend is an alcoholic, I'd suggest walking away, too. Or at least take some distance and tell the person to sort himself out...

Just my two cents

[TracyA]

just found out...

Echo what everyone said. Unless you are extremely committed - the way you would be with a handicapped child, walk away.

I always thought the chapter in AAs Big Books entitled "To the Wives" needed to be only one word long:

Run!

OTOH, I am seriously thinking about giving my ex "Phoenix in a Bottle" as a gift. I haven't read it, but to a large degree it sounds like our story.

[Guest]

just found out...

now he has admitted it can get better

confused wrote: I've just found out that my partner is an alcoholic three days ago and I haven't stopped crying.
I feel like my whole life has crumbled under my feet.

I hadn't seen him for four days before he told me and he kept saying that he's sick. He didn't go to work for three days. On Wednesday night it all came out over the phone. He broke down and told me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I feel shattered and have been in a total haze for the last three days.

As soon as he told me I went to pick him up from his house and brought him over to mine.
He was with me for two nights. On the morning after the second night I told him that I love him but can't help him. I guess I feel betrayed. I really thought that I could go through it with him and my immediate reaction was that I wanted to help him.

What's even more confusing is that my closest friend's partner has a recovering alcoholic mum. She has been sober for 15 years and her advice was to walk away immediately....

Please, can someone give me their thoughts?
thanks all

he can get better if he really really seeks help. one day at a time. he can beat it. stay strong and support him
B

[Guest]

just found out...

theres no pills to take

Unregistered wrote: he can get better if he really really seeks help. one day at a time. he can beat it. stay strong and support him
B

if it was another illness you would support him. so i would give him a chance to see if he wants to give up. he is the only one that can help. you can ask, plead, beg, tell, and threat but HE needs to WANT to give up for HIMSELF. not for you not for anyone else. HE needs to give up for HIM
talking from experience. B

[FairyAcid]

just found out...

I had a similar problem.. I will agree whith the others. If you have a long time relasionship, and you are willing to help and be patience in difficult times I think you will both make it, love can do magic

BUT if your relasionship just started weeks ago, then i suggest you should walk away, it is a bad situation and you don't want to get mixed up for no reason, everyone has his choises, don't put yourself without reason in this difficult path, because whithout love both of you will get exausted by this relasionship.

Hope everything goes right for you

[sjpasme]

just found out...

I would say think long and hard about leaving before making any rash decisions. I say this only because I regret having bailed on my ex fiance, who is an alcoholic. (I thought I was helping him, but all it did was sever the relationship for what looks like forever.

If you decide to leave after all, it is totally understandable. I am just saying to really, really think about it first. It is a disease, after all.

I hope you figure it out and that it all works out for you.