When he hurts...everybody hurts....

[kaytylou]

Hi All....

I am new to this but was looking up stuff to help me understand my partner and found this site. He has been dry for 4yrs now...we have been together for 2 and have 2kids (1 from previous relationship). Thing is....it seems that all the things that went on while he was drinking and all the ways it has messed up his head is tearing our relationship apart....i dont know how to help him get better...any advice would be appreciated xx

[thirdsister]

When he hurts...everybody hurts....

Hi! Welcome ) This is a really great community and I think if you explore a bit, you'll find what you are looking for. At least that's how it's worked out for me.

Does he go to AA, have a sponsor, or have some other consistent way of working through the stresses in life? I've heard some people here write about not just 'white knuckling' your way through sobriety, that you need to find a way to deal with your feelings. The drinking was his coping mechanism, does he have a new one?

[clthorson75]

When he hurts...everybody hurts....

Hi katy....what type of behavior does he do. Sounds like a classic case of the dry drunk syndrome.

[rubywillow]

When he hurts...everybody hurts....

Kay, when people quit drinking, their old problems (plus the ones they created drunk) still have to be dealt with. Is he open to counselling, or maybe antidepressants? I've been married 40 years, and a little over a year ago accompanied him to our doc appt. Doc and he were stunned when I broke down and told him he needed medication or I would leave him in the office. He got it! It has really helped. Doesn't solve everything, but an improvement.
Also, google 'dry drunk'. You may learn a lot about whether or not that's part of the problem.
Just some thoughts. I wish you well.
Ruby