Talking to the partners !

[buddy]

Talking to the partners !

told him how i was feelings today

hi ya all yes mrs mack got ur private hun but thught id leave it till the easter holiday is over i sat here this morning and listened to david grey white ladder album as many of the songs on there rich can relate to i dont know if any of you have heard it at all and the one that sums him up as he says is we`re not rite and nightblindness and i can see what he means . we had a heart to heart today told him what hes done and doing to me and us i think i got my point across well hes not had a drink for 4 days now im going to be with him every step of the way untill he gets there and still wants to thank you also much for your support and i will get rich on here so he can say abit about what hes going through this is helping me so much comming on here and reading what you all say to each other its like a breath of fresh air knowing im not alone and have someone to chat to :thanks:

[Mrs Macks]

Talking to the partners !

Hey Buddy, anytime you want to chat i'm here...we're all here, i have MSN too....so if you ever want to chat on that just let me know..Just stay by his side and keep doing what your doing...you never know you two might be the second MWO couple Don't hold back how you feel, i did that for 10 years and did'nt speak to nobody, not even Macks and i suffered in silence, everything is so much different now thanks to everyone here on MWO..:l Take care of you and Rich...
Lots of Love Lisa xx

[buddy]

Talking to the partners !

hi there, i am rich the drinker. feeling good at present time other than stressed out about wether i still have a job.all this thing is new to me, so little steps. tess hasbeen my rock, and i am very lucky to have her. will tell u if i still hav a job when i know. hope everyone out there is keeping strong.

[Mrs Macks]

Talking to the partners !

Hiya Rich :welcome: Your doing great stay strong and positive, Tess is your rock and you are hers..stick together hope everything goes well with your job keep us posted,

Lots of love Lisa xx:l

[buddy]

Talking to the partners !

well i got him to come on here in the end and hopefully he will do it more often i can tell hes stressed cos last night he was talking in hes sleep about hes job . i just hope he keeps it as it will only add more stress to him and being at work will help him keep hes mind of things and give him another goal to try and keep to i hope everyone had a good easter and enjoed the english weather ..i even got rich to do some gardening with me which he never does ,little steps i dont mind as long as they keep going in the right direction i know its very stressfull for him at the moment and could do with something positive well lets hope and fingers crossed for tomorrow and thank you mrs macks will email you later today ..tess xx and this is for u rich xxxxxxx keep it up babes xxxxxx

[Mrs Macks]

Talking to the partners !

Hiya Tess and Rich, Hows things going ?

Keeping my fingers crossed X

[buddy]

Talking to the partners !

i dont know what to do

hi lisa aka mrs macks things are still unknown this end hes back at work he has to have a interview with head office to find out if he keeps hes job so still in limbo .he went doctors got to wait till he gets a oppointmet from rugby house for treatment for hes drink hes been waitting for nearly 8 weeks now since hes last blip . he went back to work yesterday and my whole day was spent worrying wether he had a drink or not and dreaded speaking to him just in case he had but i was put at ease when spoke to him ..butthe worst was on the way home for him as he has to walk past 4 offys and so i meet him half way and it was the same routine kiss so i could smell hes breath i was having me doubts then i suppose its drumed into me head and asked him have you had a drink and kept on he told me he was gagging for a beer but had not had one its going to take along time before i can truely trust him and have told him that and i hate to keep checking him to . its hes birthday on monday and i hope he wont use it a a reason to drink i hope he sticks at what hes told me and continues hes new way of lifestyle .. and has been given another chance at life cos 11 days ago he nearly lost hes life and im so glad he didnt and i hope it was hes wake up call .. i need rich to get back on here today when he gets home from work and open up a bit more i know it will help him as he has all you lot on here to help and support him aswell as me and no one will judge him either thats what he needs at the moment keep up the good work babes one day at a time and little steps in the right direction though and im glad you made it this far already luv ya xxxxx

[elfmom]

Talking to the partners !

Confidence/Trust/Binge Drinking

First post-AAthlete, you struck a chord. Confidence and Trust destroyed in the relationship. I am an Registered Nurse, & my man has a problem with binge drinking. He is not abusive, does not go to the bars, & binge drinks, usually on weekends and always at home. He does try to hide his drinking at times, & drinks up to a litre at a time of hard liquor. I have openly discussed the problem with him, & know he is ashamed of his behavior but unable to stop. I believe he self medicates for stress/anxiety as well as insomnia. I am unsure at this point in time how to deal with this effectively, since abuse is not an issue, the need is to convey how difficult this is in terms of trust, respect, and of course, concern for his health. I have tried many times to bring to light that the amount of alcohol he consumes in one drinking episode is way beyond the normal social drinking standards, and also the fact that many times he is drinking alone when I am at work is not normal social drinking, but obviously a self medicating behavior. I know I will have to confront this again, but have little hope for change. Does this really have to progress to ultimatums? Will appreciate any helpful replies-elmom

[Determinatrix]

Talking to the partners !

elfmom,
This is a difficult situation because it is natural for you to want better and try to make that happen. The part that makes it difficult is that you have no control. He has it all. No matter how much you beg scream curse negotiate he has to make to choice. Guilt is not a motivator for longevity. His wanting to be happier and healthier is a stronger foundation. Even then, as you can read here on this forum from the gems these warriors post, it is HARD.
For me, ultimatums did not work. It just made him angry, resentful, and rebellious. It took me years, but my intent was to inspire him with hope that he was strong enough to make the change, without letting myself get sucked into his dark hole. I gave up trying to control him; I hated feeling like his cop, and it was too much to ask for. He had to decide for him that this is what he wanted. I tried to be his friend, even though I really wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him in hopes that the problem would dislodge from his brain and pop out of his ear straight into the toilet where it could be flushed away to neverneverland. He sure taught me how to be a friend.
I wish you much strength. Keep posting and let us know if we can help. Dx

[buddy]

Talking to the partners !

just a quick reply i get lost on here lol well just read back on some of me old posts and must update about rich on this bit yep he lost hes job spent a whole week in hospital we have since moved hoping for a new start .............. hes had 2 blips as i call them but came home both nights hes got a new job i still plod along hes still making promises he half keeps hes trying hes best at mo with drink 3 cans a day i had to come back on hee as i was going mad i have no one to talk to about hes drink problem only you and im glad that this is here ..... thanks for all the past and present support and kind words ....tess

[diamond]

Talking to the partners !

Hi Buddy,

i was just checking some of the old posts and saw yours, I was wondering how you were doing?

Thanks for coming back, don't feel bad about being here, try and get him to keep reading what everyone says here too. It may help him more than he thinks.

I really wish you good luck and success, you are a star to help him so much.

Diamond xx

[buddy]

Talking to the partners !

got no one else to talk to

i feel so worn out empty angery and just want to throw the towel in with rich all we have done since saturday is argue and i have noticed a changed in me i didnt speak to him all night he made me that mad .i have never done this before and im not scared to shout at him either i think its commng to the end of are time together i really do hes not going to ever change as all hes promises and words are all just to keep me happy and it dont wash no more ive become stronger for some reason and i dont know why . ive been sleeping with me 18 year old daughter as carnt bear to be that close to him anymore i look at him and thin look what you have turned into a beer barrel with man boobs he wasnt like that when i meet him he does nothing for me we dont kiss no more or have a sex life havent for must be 2 years now and i gave up trying as he keep telling me he dont feel fruity !!!! sorry maybe i shouldnt be going this far in depth but im so peed off and have been since sat ad carnt talk to anyone not even rich cos he dont listen to me anymore can anyone give me some advice or anything to help me all i know is i keep asking myself am i just kiding myself with him or not .........only i really know that but ive got to find the truth deep inside my heart

[diamond]

Talking to the partners !

Hi buddy,

i was just checking in. I am sorry nothing appears to be changing for the better. I think men drinking causes impotence - 'brewer's droop' whereas with women we may not want it, but can still 'perform' if that's the correct word (more like just lie there !! when drunk !!).

It isn't easy and I feel you will be losing out on life if you keep suffering this situation. Is he not trying at all? Someon on another thread suggested writing it all down and giving it to him, no recriminations or blame but just how you feel, how it affects you and the kids etc..

Good Luck

Diamond x