Children of Alcoholics

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

In other word it is best to tell your child you are trying o work out your problem and that it's not his fault - you may sometimes get angry but it's not because of him it's because of you. You don't necessarily have to go into the drinking but tell him you are anxious and edgy and it has nothing to do with him. Children turn into rescuers oh so often. You don't want that for your child.

[medic341]

Children of Alcoholics

Hello all,

I have a 15 y/o daughter that is done with my drinking and says she's moving out next year when she turns 16. She's a good kid and has witnessed many things about my drinking all her life. I have never abused her in the sense of physical or verbal. However her witnessing me being pissed and doing dumb stuff like passing out naked on my bed and leaving the door wide open and the lights on has not helped her. What can I do to help her get threw this? I have a councellor for her and am currently trying Kudzu to get a handle on the drinking. I am going the Kudzu route as AA, councelling and will power have failed me, or should I say I failed them

Any help or advice would be greatly appriciated.

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

Oh medic it's so hard to say but the only thing she is going to trust is you not drinking and for a good length of time. Have you seen a doctor or tried any rehab type programmes? If she sees you seriously trying it may turn things around but as the child of an aloholic myself I wouldn't be going to therapy for my mothers problem...why should she get help when you don't? hope that does not seem toonharsh but she really needs to see you taking some positive steps towards changing your life if she's going to change her mind.
Best wishes
Cashy xx

[Kradle123]

Children of Alcoholics

This is an incredibly timely resurrection of this thrad for me...
I simply can not tell teh whole story yet as I m still in shock.

My dearest friend, an active alcoholic with twins, went after my twins during a sleep over the other night. She was in a drunken rage becasue one of my girls would not respond to her lushy love advances....tickles ect. Not sexual.

I am sick. Frindship ruined. Girls Okay. I am a mess.

Please advise. Why would she do this. She knows I am 3 months Sober. She has said she is priud of me. She knows she has a problem. Why did she attack my children. She doesn't remember much. I had no idae his had happened until I got teh girls in the car and they told me on the way home.
They had marks and bruises. I did not call the police. Please dont get on me for that...

[Sober Visitor]

Children of Alcoholics

Kradle,

I don't know your friend, but I would venture to say that this might turn out to be one of her lowest moments. Hopefully, she will allow herself to fully realize the magnitude and impact that alcohol has on her and others around her and do something about it so that she doesn't hurt anyone else again.

This is why I hate alcohol so much. It makes us do things that we would never do sober, and some people get very aggressive and violent, I suppose because of the lack of impulse control that alcohol causes. Unfortunately, the jails and graves are full of alcohol's casualities.

I once had a friend that got ticked off at me at a bar for something I said and clawed me with her fingernails, Freddie Krueger style, down the side of my face, and I never saw it coming. I had been talking to another friend at the time, and she tapped me on my shoulder, and as I turned around to face her, she clawed me. I can remember feeling the same type of shock and disbelief "why/how could she do this to me," and so did the others that witnessed it.

I'm so glad that you're precious girls are OK, and that they had the courage to let you know what happened. I think you made the right decision to end the friendship. I did the same with my attacker as well. Your friend should feel very fortuante that you didn't press charges.

Medic, I agree with Cash that quitting drinking is the best thing you can do for you and your daughter. Our words become meaningless if they're not followed up with action. I've done so many things I wished I could take back, but unfortunately, we can't unring the bells. All we can do is our very best today to make it right going forward. I think therapy will help to give her a safe place to express her feelings, if she's open to that, and Ala-teen might be something to check out as well. Here's a link.

For Teens

Sheri

[patrice]

Children of Alcoholics

Hi Kradle,

I feel for you, your friend and your twins...
your friend, sober, would never have done that, right? ( paraphrased from sober Visitor)
I guess the friendship cannot continue, you are right.
So sad, the fallout in relationships from booze!!
Maybe I'm more attuned to it now I'm not drinking but today I see so many damaged and ruined relationships from alcohol
Take care Kradle.. so glad your girls are ok
Patrice

[Guitarista]

Children of Alcoholics

Hi everyone,

Great thread Cashy.

My dad was an alkie, and died from the effects at age 40! Geez. So i was a young fella at the time, and never got to know him 'man to man' or as grownup's. In essence, i got glimpses of a good man, but he was in the grip of alcohol addiction and he would lash out now and then in frustration.

I suspect my penchant for a drink has some genetic connection.

Kradle, sheesh, sorry to hear that. I hope your kids are not too freaked out and are okay. You've been having a bit of a rollercoaster ride yourself! Sending you vibes of freedom, clarity, strength, and pride.

G-bloke.

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

I can only say I'm so sorry your friend is in that space, I try hard to not be when my daughter has friends around, it's almost an unspoken rule here.

I only know that alcoholism does not run in my family because my "birth parents" give their doctors freedom to give my doc any family info.

Oh mr g that's so sad at least i still have my mum and dad - just...

All I can keep saying is that honesty and action are the best policy with children...they know...give them credit and don't let them think it's their fault in any way.
Lotsa love Cashy xxxx

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

Oh btw I tried out alateen in my youth and it was pretty harsh. Telling a child that they should practice tough love is a harsh thing - well I found it so. They were talking about my mum, and whatever she had done I loved her, unconditionally - that's how young ones think. Best to asses your own monsters rather than place a child in that position. Only my opinion, maybe they have evolved since I was a teen.
Cashy xxx

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

And you can't be there for everyone - it's always easier to be there for someone else Kradie - but this could be rock bottom for her...maybe she needs to hear that?
If I gave up on all the friends I have who may have a problem with AL then I probably wouldn't have many friends. I know you have some other probs like men.
Cashy xxx

[medic341]

Children of Alcoholics

So sorry for you Kradle, tough spot. Hopefuuly your friend see's what she's doing.

Thank you for your input into my situation. Today is day one of no booze.

Hopefully my family will forgive me.

[Kradle123]

Children of Alcoholics

Hi everybody and thank you, thank you so much for the posts. I am so grateful.
:h:h
That was days and days worth of the most violently horrible feelings but here's the Good News:
My husband called Larry her husband yesterday (they are also good friends) and the upshot is Kristin is now in out patient rehab and AA. She is a ' complete wreck' as she realizes what she did to my children which I know had she been sober she wouldn't have done. She is using her church community to stay with her in the evenings and her parents when her husband is out of town.

Larry told my husband that if she were to EVER went back to AL he would end the marriage and take the children. I believe him completely. He has dealt with this too long. Our families were (are...) very close. He has had enough.
I think you are right Cash, this was her absolute Bottom. In a weird way it was mine too...
My kids are fine. In fact I am keeping the girls updated (in little girl terms) because they do love her and they are very pleased and proud that they are responsible (as I have explained it) for helping Ms Kristin get healthy again o we can 'see her big heart again' as one of my twins said.
I think that says it all.
So I'm tired as you can imagine but all the supps are really helping as did all the support from here ...as usual.

:groupluv:

[Kradle123]

Children of Alcoholics

Cashregister;1368620 wrote: And you can't be there for everyone - it's always easier to be there for someone else Kradie - but this could be rock bottom for her...maybe she needs to hear that?
If I gave up on all the friends I have who may have a problem with AL then I probably wouldn't have many friends. I know you have some other probs like mine honey - feel free to email me blacksheep@internode.on.net
Cashy xxx

And thank you so much Cash. I think we do have one of the same challenges. And 2 heads are better than one!

:l

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

Kradle123;1369162 wrote: Hi everybody and thank you, thank you so much for the posts. I am so grateful.
:h:h
That was days and days worth of the most violently horrible feelings but here's the Good News:
My husband called Larry her husband yesterday (they are also good friends) and the upshot is Kristin is now in out patient rehab and AA. She is a ' complete wreck' as she realizes what she did to my children which I know had she been sober she wouldn't have done. She is using her church community to stay with her in the evenings and her parents when her husband is out of town.

Larry told my husband that if she were to EVER went back to AL he would end the marriage and take the children. I believe him completely. He has dealt with this too long. Our families were (are...) very close. He has had enough.
I think you are right Cash, this was her absolute Bottom. In a weird way it was mine too...
My kids are fine. In fact I am keeping the girls updated (in little girl terms) because they do love her and they are very pleased and proud that they are responsible (as I have explained it) for helping Ms Kristin get healthy again o we can 'see her big heart again' as one of my twins said.
I think that says it all.
So I'm tired as you can imagine but all the supps are really helping as did all the support from here ...as usual.

:groupluv:

That's so good to hear and an especially good job with the children, brilliantly done. What a strong peron you are!
Cashy xxx

[Kohl mom]

Children of Alcoholics

My dad was an alcoholic. He wouldn't come home, but I was young and didn't really know... Until he decided to commit suicide in our garage.... I was 9. I was told he had a heart attack... But I always knew something worse.. People tip toed around... I was always a high achiever... Now I have a problem w alcohol at 42... Luckily I am getting help... In the 1970's and80's men didn't seek help. I have young kids... And I want to break the cycle... Haven't drank in a week... Start outpatient this week! Yeah