Last Resort

[DarlingNikki]

Last Resort

Satz123: thank you for your advice.

UPDATE: last night (friday, the night my bf and I always have plans) my bf called me at the time he was supposed to pick me up and cancelled our plans (for the 2nd week in a row) so he could hang out with his friends and watch the hockey game. FYI his friends live in the same apartment complex he does. I told him that I would be interested in watching the game with him too, but he told me that he really just wanted a sports night with the guys. He then offered to do something on Saturday, but I already had a prior commitment with my family during the day. Later, I had let him know that I was available during the night, but he said sorry and that he was hanging out with his friends. He always spends saturday nights with his friends, so I thought that he might want to do something just to make up for ditching me on Friday night. Nope. He wants to do something during the week.....probably because his friends don't drink during the week. I got so sick of feeling like I wasn't good enough to spend time with, I told him that we need to downgrade our relationship to just dating again, or be friends. I just can't take it anymore. Alcohol is his girlfriend, not me. He shows more loyalty to the bottle.

[drinkingal]

Last Resort

nikki I hate to say it but I don't hold out much hope that your BF will get sober any time soon. It's easy to get drunk and melancholic and full of self pity, it's easy to berate yourself when you're hungover and scolding yourself, (Im sure we've all been there many times) but it takes effort to do something different and change things. He seems to have lots of excuses to drink, but ignores all the reasons to change. Honestly, I think he has just checked out of life and decided it's easier to drink because then he has lots of excuses not to do other things, like not work, not to be a good bf, not to be productive and engaged in life, not to have friends. There are people here who have easily drank what he does or more and still held down a job so is the drinking the real reason he doesn't work, or does he just not want to work regardless, you know? If he really wanted any of these things he would at least try, if he was really that unhappy with his drinking, he would make some effort to change. It's also very telling that you are the one seeking out help for him, something he could be doing for himself if he wanted to.

I think you have decide if this relationship is going to continue to be about some pie in the sky future where everything is rosy and different, or if you're ready to look at the reality of what it is and whether it really is going to change. My take on when he makes fun of people at aa, or when he says your meth addiction wasn't really an addiction, I think what he is really saying is "no one is as addicted as me, my addiction is so much worse than everyone else's" and you know what that is? It's just one more excuse why he can't or won't change, and if he could do it on his own, he would have done it by now, it's been 15 years so his plan of doing it himself isn't going very well is it?

Only you can decide if he's worth it, but I think you should give yourself a deadline to see something happening, and if he isn't making some effort towards it, you need to walk away and do better for yourself.