Of course I'm not able to keep tabs on him because I have pretty much been our sole support these past 3 years. I have been busting my butt trying to keep us in our home - I feel so betrayed. Logically I know it's not really about me - but here I am in the middle of it.
He has had his share of misfortune, alcoholic abusive father, family completely disintigrated in his early teens and no one had a place for him. He has Hep C which makes his drinking especially painful for me (I visualize his liver screaming with each drink...). About 3 years ago he developed some physical problems- lost some hand mobility due to a bonespur that was pinching a nerve 3 years ago and at the same time started developing generalized anxiety (took several months to figure out what was up and get the corrective surgery done). And his panic attackes returned witha vengeance (he'd had them before when he was much younger and was at a job where they really basically abused him).
I have fought docs for him, investigated solutions and treatment plans, made a point to learn about alternative treament options for his problems since he said he was not interested in taking the conventional stuff. He actually did try some prescription meds for depression but never found any he liked.
I have done everything I possibly could and I am tired, very very tired.
I have a problem with alcoholics and really with alcohol in general, my family was not too great either and I grew up being exposed to some mean and nasty alcoholics and my tolerence to the accompanying behaviors is very low, which he is well aware of. I am so frustrated I have been making myself sick.
I reminded him that when we met I made a point of telling him I have trust issues and that trust is one of the most important things to me in my marriage and he should be very, very careful about lying to me (not do it). I told him I did not now how much longer I could hang on and he will be needing to make a choice SOON about what is more important to him - me or the alcohol.
So once again here I am looking for help for him and he is not doing a thing... I guess the good news is at least he didn't drink today. Thank you for listening.
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