How do I help?

[llenell]

My daughter has just told me she is an alcoholic. She says she can't even go to work until she has a drink. She is 31 and has 4 children. Where do I start? She is just recovering from thyroid cancer. She has no insurance and no more time off work. I feel so overwhelmed and it's not about me.:new:

[louise]

How do I help?

Hi Llenell. I'm sure you must be very frightened for your daughter. The fact that she has told you this probably means she is frightened as well. Can you show her this site? She does not have to do anything to just read here. It might help her see she is not alone and give her hope. There are people here who have been like your daughter who can help give her advice. I wish you all the best.

[SKendall]

How do I help?

Hi Llenell, I am sorry. Please buy or download the book and recommend this site to her. The supplements, and cd's are very helpful. I am sure she would be glad of your help, she must be overwhelmed regarding her situation also. Good Luck and keep coming here for support.

[MDBiker]

How do I help?

I agree with louise and SK. I bet she is hurting and wants help
bear

[weemelonhead]

How do I help?

Hi Llenell.....sorry to hear about your daughter....I am a mom, and obviously someones child too.....I know how worried my mom has been about me, and how I would feel if my girlie had the same problem, so my heart goes out to you dear.
I agree that your daughter is extending a hand if she is talking to you about this...if she is worried, there is stuff that she can do, and it is great that you would be around to offer support.
Put her in the direction of this site...it has been my, and many others, lifesaver.....I'm sure my mom must include RJ in her prayers of thanks every night for the amazing life turnaround her wonderful site has been.
You cannot 'do' this for your girlie, but you've found a good place you can bring her to so she can find her own help.....the invitation is ALWAYS open here.....
Much love
Weemelon xxx

[diamond]

How do I help?

I think you are a lovely mum, you are trying to help. I wish I could tell my parents. I think the advice on this forum is the best.

Good Luck,
Diamond

[lucky 2.0]

How do I help?

Wow, I think melon was speaking english! I so love the melonhead.

Please do not have major judgement about it. It is no different or worse than being fat, spending too much, etc. However, it does impact health. My advise is to learn about the supplements- and campral and topa if needed. As Karma would say, and I agree, it is as simple as a chemical imbalance in the brain.

My other HUGE piece of advise is DO NOT CRAM AA DOWN HER THROAT. Karma can speak better to this point but I think AA completely minimizes the chance for success.

And, it is doable. Drinking too much is not a life sentence and drop the labels like "alcoholic." It is self-fulfilling prophecy.

Just my $0.02.

Send her to this site. We are not all nuts. Well, I am but others are not.

All the best to both of you.

[chrysa]

How do I help?

Support her & love her unconditionally, no strings attached. Shy away from advice. Ask her how you can support her? You can suggest tools. Education is the best way to start for you. If she declared this, she may have a plan. Support the plan. The plan will change as she gets better.

Educate yourself to believe there is no shame in this. It is a neuro-chemical disorder. It is physical & there are lots of treatments coming available. AA may work fo r her. But there are other ways: medicines to kill the craving, spiritual books and friends like this site, hypnosis CDs, moderation mgmt depending on how advanced the disorder has become, herbal supplements to help balance out.

I agree ..I would drop the lable"alcoholic" unless your daughter likes it. Drinking disorder, problem is fine. More than common problem.

[magic]

How do I help?

Hi llenell

I'm so glad she told you!

I agree with everyone, I just have one other suggestion.

Since she no longer has a functioning thyroid she needs to keep on top of her thyroid meds and make sure she is on the right drug and right dose for her. Our thyroid regulates our bodies in so many ways-- if her thyroid hormone is not being replaced properly she will feel like hell.

magic xx

[Bella]

How do I help?

Be there for your daughter. How brave of her to tell you that she is an alcoholic. Alcoholics often feel very ashamed of them selves. Be kind to her. You must be a very lovely mum for her to put her trust in you. Thanks for posting Llenell. Love, Bella xxxx

[Flip]

How do I help?

The other thing you should do is get some help for yourself. Your daughter will do what she is able, and you have to do that too. Remember, you are not responsible for her, she is an adult.

You may wish to try Al-Anon (I'm not a god bothering type, so I'm not pushing that side of it), but it can be very useful to meet other people in the same position as yourself. It will also teach you some tools on how to cope with it.

[Mags]

How do I help?

Ditto to everything everyone has said above. Oh my! We have such smart people on this site! Even the ducks are smart!
But, seriously - love her, support her, help her. Just do not enable her. Let her know she has to change but that you will help her. Please let her just start lurking around here and reading this site. Hopefully, she will find inspiration and join in the conversation. RJ and my friends here have much to offer her.
Bless you for being such a caring mom.