HELP!

[wifeof]

Hi, I am relatively new here I posted only once. My husband has a drinking problem - lied to me about it for about a year. He finally got busted (by me) and got into treatment - intensive outpatient 3x a week for 3 hours a day plus AA meetings and has the CDs from here. He made it 38 days alcohol free then due to unrelated issues lost his job. He found out on monday then wed found out he can still work there part time. I am 6 months pregnant and I think the relief of some income was enough for him to feel good. On his way home from a group meeting he stopped and got a 24-oz beer (he says he thought it wouldnt get him drunk) well I suspected and we have a home breathalyzer and before he took the test he admitted he drank. I am at the end of my rope. I am so scared. I have a baby on the way and i try to be supportive but i am losing it. I cant trust him at all and I know its part of the disease but it is killing me. I really dont know what to do... he says everything he is supposed to say and talks the talk I just dont know how long I am supposed to give it for his actions to meet up with his words. Please help. I need all the advice I can get. I cant stop crying and am so angry and hurt.

[tipsynomore]

HELP!

Hi Wifeof
I'm sorry to hear that you have so much to deal with at the moment - pregnancy, hormones, loss of income (Been there - my husband lost his job and was out of work for 1 year when I was pregnant with my little girl. Hang in there it'll be OK) and your hubby's problem. Do you think he's starting his old habits again or do you think this was a one time slip? He made it 38 days AF, so maybe this is just a bump in the road and he'll get right back on the AF wagon and be there for you and your new arrival... Good luck and let us know.

[Mags]

HELP!

Wifeof
This must be a very tough time for you - pregnant and worried about your husband. The best thing I can tell you to do is to keep posting here as often as you can - maybe even in the General Discussion area since that gets the most traffic. I'm glad your husband is trying with AA, etc. That is a very positive sign. Speaking from experience, an alcoholic doesn't just stop totally overnight - all steps forward are good. You just have to keep him on the right path. But that sounds like a huge burden for you right now with a baby on the way. Please encourage him to become a member here - post every day and be so honest with us - get the Kudzu and glutamine at the least - listen to the CD's - he MUST read RJ's book. Please let him know he is welcome here and will find a great home here. You will too. This is too much for any one person or one spouse to deal with alone. But together we are all making it. Please - I hope to hear from you again.

PS When is the baby due???

[louise]

HELP!

A big hug to you. I'm sure it is all very overwhelming. I hope he will come to this site and you will explore it as well. Most of us don't make it without a few slips unfortunately. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you and the baby dearly. That said, you need to care of yourself 1st so come here and alanon might help as well.

[wifeof]

HELP!

Thanks for the responses. I do think this was just a slip but its hard to ever really know. we did go to a wedding this weekend and he did not drink at all which I know was hard for him. I did go to a meeting for family members at his out patient treatment facility and it was helpful its just really hard and the hormones make it much harder cuz all I want to do is cry. We have RJs book and he listens to the CDs. Right now he is trying to do it without the supplements,etc so we will see if he ends up taking those or not. Anyway, thanks for all the feedback and support. The baby is due in October so we still have a few months for him to get his act together.

[Determinatrix]

HELP!

Wifeof,
This issue runs very deep, the depth different for everyone.

My husband is an over-drinker, well used to be - he is Day 14 AF, and I have accepted that he will be managing this issue for the rest of his life. Some days easy, some days not. We have been together for 10yrs, married 9, and I spend the first 1/2 trying to believe this was a matter of him simply saying NO to alcohol. While that is still a part of it, it takes more than that. Hyno, books, meetings, meds, and especially, the support and friendship found on MWO.

My husband would stand by me if the tables were turned. And I will stand by him.

He has taught me how to be a friend.

And they really need a friend; this is a tough fight. I hear how most of them do not have anyone they can talk to or confide in. Many have lost friends and family that can't handle it.

So it's really a personal choice that you make for yourself.

Dx

[rachel28]

HELP!

hi must b tough time, i have been both sides a the fence, my boys dad was a drunk, a nasty 1, your man he sounds as tho he is realy takin steps an really trying,

as i sit here now as the 1 with a drink problem i sympathise, but he really does sound like he is taking very positive steps,

stay strong for your new family, i think he can do it,try to
keep attending the aa meetings for familys this should help u both,

i hope this will work out for you, u both deserve to b hapy, if he continues taking these ever so important steps im sure u will b, luck an love to u xxx

[SKendall]

HELP!

Hi, wifeof, Determinatrix said it best. Hugs to you.

[Beaches]

HELP!

I think Dx is an exceptional person and a wonderful person. You can learn a lot from her, we all have.

I hope that you and your husband can work this out for your family. Best of luck to you.

[Mags]

HELP!

To repeat from everyone else - Determinatrix said so much. We learn from her all the time. Hang in there - it is not time to throw in the towel. I'm sure he loves you and your soon to be baby. It can just be very tough. He has to be strong, but sometimes (unfortunately) you have to be a bit stronger. Let us all help you be strong.

[wifeof]

HELP!

Thanks and I appreciate the feedback. I am in a bad place this week. I start my 3rd trimester soon and I cannot get myself to plan for this baby. I am so worried about whether he will be clean come october and whether he will have a job. I wanted to work parttime once the baby was born but right now I am the sole income so I am trapped. My biggest problem is not trusting him. He lied often (obviously a big part of the drinking problem) and though I know that its hard to accept. I just dont trust what he says to me now and its an awful way to be in a marriage....

[Determinatrix]

HELP!

wifeof,
You cannot expect him to be clean before the baby arrives. You just can't. That does not mean it is impossible.
I feel you are scared, and I am torn that I feel panic in your words.
He has to choose this for himself, it is not something you can force.
You will need to make the best decision for you and your baby; make a decision that you can live with. Get the support of both of your families.
I wish you steady calm. This is a tough situation.
Dx

[Determinator]

HELP!

Hi Wifeof, I'm the happy guy married to Determinatrix. This has been a long and arduous journey for sure and I've put her and I through hell many times over my drinking problem/s.
If you can possibly get him on here to interact with some of these great people it could only help....MWO has probably saved my life to be truthfull. I felt so alone and so far down in a hole that I thought nobody understood until now. I made 94 days alcohol free then had a bobble a few weeks ago but I'm back on my horse. Feel free to have him communicated with me via PM (private message) if he would like to talk to a fellow frustrated guy and is shy about joining the community. There are supplements that really can help him feel more at ease. There are answers. Be well.