Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-7-11

Oh my gosh. What a day!!! Scott & the kids washed my car yesterday. So, he is in awful pain today. I knew that he was overdoing it and he did. I wish that I had just taken it to a car wash. Scott ended up getting a 6 pack last night. He picked up a can of beer and then I saw that one of his favorite beers was on sale so I pointed it out to him. So, this morning he told me to please not push the beer on him. That he had already picked up the one can of beer and I pushed him to get the 6 pack. I'm like seriously?!? He was walking down the aisle looking at the beers and I pointed out the price on that 6 pack. Makes me mad. Anyway, he is not feeling well today. Pain levels way up.
Kids are bickering like crazy. Buddy woke up on the WRONG side of the bed. He has been in a bad mood all day long. Really hard to deal with. I laid down next to him and tried to hug him this morning and he shoved me away. Last night he fell asleep with his arm over me holding my hand and his head on my shoulder.
I took them to rent a Wii game and warned them if they fight that I'm taking it back immediately. So far there has been bickering but not really bad.
Took Scott to the pain clinic last Tuesday. That Dr. thinks it is possibly Facet Disease. He said that the only thing different that he can offer is trying Cervical Medical Branch Blocks. They would do a procedure where they inject some type of numbing agent into the nerves in his neck in about 3 places. If he does have temporary relief, they would do the same procedure again to verify that he does have relief from the pain. If he does have pain relief then they would go in and do a Cervical Radiofrequency Lesioning. That would offer a pain relief for months. We are still discussing it. It's up to him but I think he should try it. We'll discuss it after the kids leave.
I did have cravings today but certainly nothing I couldn't block out. I keep thinking about 'There's a Hole in My Sidewalk'. I keep walking down that same sidewalk and head right to the hole. I keep picturing the hole. It's a deep, very black hole. The sidewalk is white with jagged edges around it. Why would I want to fall in that hole? Something for me to keep thinking about.

[RingingCedars]

Nora's journey

NoraC;1159923 wrote: Oh my gosh. What a day!!! Scott & the kids washed my car yesterday. So, he is in awful pain today. I knew that he was overdoing it and he did. I wish that I had just taken it to a car wash. Scott ended up getting a 6 pack last night. He picked up a can of beer and then I saw that one of his favorite beers was on sale so I pointed it out to him. So, this morning he told me to please not push the beer on him. That he had already picked up the one can of beer and I pushed him to get the 6 pack. I'm like seriously?!? He was walking down the aisle looking at the beers and I pointed out the price on that 6 pack. Makes me mad. Anyway, he is not feeling well today. Pain levels way up.
Kids are bickering like crazy. Buddy woke up on the WRONG side of the bed. He has been in a bad mood all day long. Really hard to deal with. I laid down next to him and tried to hug him this morning and he shoved me away. Last night he fell asleep with his arm over me holding my hand and his head on my shoulder.
I took them to rent a Wii game and warned them if they fight that I'm taking it back immediately. So far there has been bickering but not really bad.
Took Scott to the pain clinic last Tuesday. That Dr. thinks it is possibly Facet Disease. He said that the only thing different that he can offer is trying Cervical Medical Branch Blocks. They would do a procedure where they inject some type of numbing agent into the nerves in his neck in about 3 places. If he does have temporary relief, they would do the same procedure again to verify that he does have relief from the pain. If he does have pain relief then they would go in and do a Cervical Radiofrequency Lesioning. That would offer a pain relief for months. We are still discussing it. It's up to him but I think he should try it. We'll discuss it after the kids leave.
I did have cravings today but certainly nothing I couldn't block out. I keep thinking about 'There's a Hole in My Sidewalk'. I keep walking down that same sidewalk and head right to the hole. I keep picturing the hole. It's a deep, very black hole. The sidewalk is white with jagged edges around it. Why would I want to fall in that hole? Something for me to keep thinking about.

Dear Nora...the black hole is something I endeavour to avoid....jagged edges?? Anyone?
I'm sorry your day didn't holdup ...tomorrow, if we get it.........we get to do it another day! OK? xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Hole in the Sidewalk

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Those are amazing!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

I am in the hole.

[Kimberley]

Nora's journey

:l:l:l

[Panno]

Nora's journey

Nora sending you hugs :l:l:l and positive vibes over the water, take care :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-9-11

Thank you friends!

Guess what?!? I decided that it's not very nice down in that black hole!!! Things are looking better.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-21-11

Thank you everyone for all of the support
I am doing ok here. I did have a relapse. A few days and then I came to my senses. I was able to stop it much sooner this time. I am working very hard with my plan to continue my sober life. When I'm finding out that I'm not following it, I am trying to implement new things to replace what isn't working. It's a work in progress but I am feeling better about things. I am seeing the Psychiatrist tomorrow and going to talk to him about anti-craving meds. I don't know if that's for me but I am going to have that discussion with him.
I am doing ok with the empty nest. Not great mind you. But, doing ok. Casey keeps in touch with us. Actually, he is spending the night with us tonight because I am taking him to the airport in the morning. He is going to go visit my parents for 5 days. He is so excited to see his grandparents. I have been blessed with wonderful parents and they love Casey so much.
Scott and I have been trying to do things together and come up with ideas to get us out of the house. So, we have a list of things we can do for fun. A dinner picnic at the park. A walk around the block. The Farmers Market on Wednesday. Just a few things that get us out & moving.
I am continuing to enjoy doing this AF. I have been reading a lot. Have a jigsaw puzzle that I'm going to work on. Still working on going thru the house and giving away items that we don't need/use anymore.
Work is very stressful and I've been working more hours. That is a good and bad thing. I need to learn not to let the stressful day trigger me to drink. But being busy at work keeps me active and my brain busy.
My Aunt is very ill in the hospital. Had lung cancer surgery. Then they found brain cancer. She had the brain surgery. Now she has an infection in the brain. The antibiotics don't seem to be working. They are doing another MRI tomorrow to see if they need to go back in. My poor cousin is trying to deal with all of this herself. She has the support of her husband and daughter. But, my other cousin lives out of state with 2 kids in high school. And my other cousin just isn't much of a help. I try not to be in the way because it's such a hard situation. My Uncle is at home with a caretaker because he had a stroke over a year ago. Finally I called my cousin on Friday and asked if I could do anything. It was just at the right time because she said that she was going to tell me the truth and asked if I could take her Dad lunch and dinner on Sunday. I was so happy to be able to help. His regular caretaker was having the day off and the other one didn't drive (or cook). So, I called a few minutes ago to ask my Uncle what he wanted to eat. Come to find out that his normal caretaker is there and they are going to go visit my Aunt. So, they didn't need me after all. I just feel so helpless. At least they know that I am here and they can call me. I just don't want to keep calling & bothering. It's so hard because my Aunt is not always in her right mind and it's not easy for my cousin to talk.
Well - guess I'll shower and think about going in to work.
Thank you everyone for all your support. Somedays I think that maybe, just maybe, I won't fall into that hole anymore.

[Mish]

Nora's journey

You're putting up such a strong fight, Nora, and we're all behind you. I'd run in front of you with a big STOP sign if I saw you getting too near to the hole if I could, or put up a huge Nora-proof barrier. But, unfortunately, when it all boils down to it, we have to each walk on our own with this one.

By the way, you mentioned Foster's Beer. That's an Aussie beer. I prefered VB (Vic Bitter) myself, but Foster's was ok at a pinch. Let's face it, last night's warm leftovers were better than nothing in a pinch, even if you had to take out the ciggy butts first.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-10-11

First day of Naltrexone. Feeling very positive about this. Feel spacey & chest a little weird (palpitations?? or just heavy chest??). But, totally different drinking tonight. Not as interested ?? I actually made myself take a couple of drinks so I would have the feeling. And, I'm leaving quite a bit. Don't want it. Unheard of in my world. :H Very interesting. I know that this is not a magic pill. But, I am very optimistic about it. The antabuse gave me months AF but then I would relapse. I am hoping that this will help me keep working my plan and turn to other options besides drinking.
Anyway, heading to bed now but wanted to make an entry here.

[RingingCedars]

Nora's journey

Sounds good Nora. The feeling of control that is. xo

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

I am here for you Nora....

[K9Lover]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora!
I've missed you my friend. Stay strong!
:h
K9

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-12-11

Thanks friends!
I really didn't feel well yesterday morning. Heavy chest. Hard to explain. But, I ate some breakfast and had a long nap. Woke up feeling well. Had no interest in drinking (even the thought of sort of made me gag). But, I felt it was important to get the pill in my system so I could get over the side effects. I took another half pill. Still no interest in drinking but a few hours later I did have half a glass of champagne. There is beer in my fridge and an unopen bottle of champagne. Never wanted it. Ok - to me that is amazing. Even if I have a hangover, I want more. So, I am really being optimistic about this. I have to emphasize that I KNOW this is not a magic pill. But, to not have the 'cravings' going on is absolutely amazing. This is probably a 'honeymoon' period but I am going to take it and keep working my plan. Like I said, the antabuse was great to get me some AF months but in the back of my mind, I knew I could stop the pill and drink.
Well - back to work but I wanted to make an update. Brought a pill with me today that I will take before I leave work if I think I might drink. At this point in time, still no interest. Wouldn't that be nice if I stop thinking about it. :h