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    From the toolbox....

    A Work in Progress;477897 wrote: This is something I wrote and originally posted elsewhere; I thought it might fit into the "tool box" nicely:


    Do You "Deserve" a Drink, Today?


    I can't count the number of times I have seen someone come here and write a post in which s/he says that s/he has relapsed, or "slipped," because s/he had been doing well for a while, and decided that s/he "deserved" a drink.

    And our alcoholic thinking does this to us. It totally bypasses the memory of the devastation, humiliation, and destruction that alcohol has brought into our lives, and it presents alcohol as a GOOD thing, a prize, a reward, something we want to give ourselves for a job well done.

    I wrote a post a few days ago, about this way of thinking, but it was kind of buried in another thread. And I saw people talking about "deserving a drink," again today. What I wrote about was about changing our way of thinking from this self-destructive "Deprivation Mode" to a winning, successful, positive "Gratitude Mode." Here it is:

    I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

    In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

    In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

    Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

    For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

    That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

    wip
    Lavande, you often talk about being in Gratitude...WIP...summary helped me understand it a little better...I know I am still in deprivation mode alot of the time...this I think will help me move toward the Gratitude mode.

    Comment


      Tool box

      From the toolbox....

      A Work in Progress;477897 wrote: This is something I wrote and originally posted elsewhere; I thought it might fit into the "tool box" nicely:


      Do You "Deserve" a Drink, Today?


      I can't count the number of times I have seen someone come here and write a post in which s/he says that s/he has relapsed, or "slipped," because s/he had been doing well for a while, and decided that s/he "deserved" a drink.

      And our alcoholic thinking does this to us. It totally bypasses the memory of the devastation, humiliation, and destruction that alcohol has brought into our lives, and it presents alcohol as a GOOD thing, a prize, a reward, something we want to give ourselves for a job well done.

      I wrote a post a few days ago, about this way of thinking, but it was kind of buried in another thread. And I saw people talking about "deserving a drink," again today. What I wrote about was about changing our way of thinking from this self-destructive "Deprivation Mode" to a winning, successful, positive "Gratitude Mode." Here it is:

      I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

      In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

      In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

      Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

      For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

      That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

      wip
      Lavande, you often talk about being in Gratitude...WIP...summary helped me understand it a little better...I know I am still in deprivation mode alot of the time...this I think will help me move toward the Gratitude mode.

      Comment


        Tool box

        I am my own child

        Originally posted by Kuya 1/12/13 on the thread Stella (chook) I stole your booze.


        The most abusive relationship is the one we have with ourselves.

        I am my own child. I was born perfect and beautiful ( I KNOW that, I have seen the photos )
        This is how I have been treating my child.

        I have starved her for years with eating disorders.
        Told her she was fat and ugly time and time again.
        Made her work far too hard and gave her hardly any breaks.
        No matter how well she did or hard she worked I was never satisfied with her
        I never treated her to enough new clothes or did nice things for her to make her feel good.
        I fed her drugs every day to shut her up so I didn't have to listen to her.
        When she was obviously getting ill I ignored her and didn't get her help.

        If this was a child you were given to raise you would be jailed for neglect.
        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
        Tool Box
        Newbie's Nest

        Comment


          Tool box

          I am my own child

          Originally posted by Kuya 1/12/13 on the thread Stella (chook) I stole your booze.


          The most abusive relationship is the one we have with ourselves.

          I am my own child. I was born perfect and beautiful ( I KNOW that, I have seen the photos )
          This is how I have been treating my child.

          I have starved her for years with eating disorders.
          Told her she was fat and ugly time and time again.
          Made her work far too hard and gave her hardly any breaks.
          No matter how well she did or hard she worked I was never satisfied with her
          I never treated her to enough new clothes or did nice things for her to make her feel good.
          I fed her drugs every day to shut her up so I didn't have to listen to her.
          When she was obviously getting ill I ignored her and didn't get her help.

          If this was a child you were given to raise you would be jailed for neglect.
          All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
          Tool Box
          Newbie's Nest

          Comment


            Tool box

            "Do you 'deserve' a drink today?"

            WIP~I've read this several times, and it really hits me. I'm going to be 2 days AF, and I know part of me is in dep. mode...but then I think of how my stomach feels ucky after that first glass of wine...though after that it's fine...and after the 3rd or 4th my mind is numb and tired, so when I get home I pretty much go right to bed because I really just can't stay awake and don't want to pass out in the living room. I truly hate being DRUNK...I have for a long time. Oh there were times I did have a good time...if lots was going on around me and I was dancing...and I do think of those times fondly, I'm not going to lie. But I haven't had an experience like that in a very long time. I don't like people seeing me drunk, so when I'd start feeling that way, I'd get myself home somehow (usually to my husband's dismay~he holds his liquor much better than I do) and then go straight to bed. Those are the times I keep reminding myself of now...but it's hard not knowing who I really am without al. And wondering if my marriage will make it through this 'change'...I didn't drink anything like this when we were first married. I was strong and proud of myself...then life happens and I started using al to 'deal' with things, but in reality I wasn't dealing with them at all.
            Anyway, WIP, thanks for the post, I know I'll come back to it time and again.:goodjob::thanks:
            One step forward, two steps back...:h
            I will do this!

            Comment


              Tool box

              "Do you 'deserve' a drink today?"

              WIP~I've read this several times, and it really hits me. I'm going to be 2 days AF, and I know part of me is in dep. mode...but then I think of how my stomach feels ucky after that first glass of wine...though after that it's fine...and after the 3rd or 4th my mind is numb and tired, so when I get home I pretty much go right to bed because I really just can't stay awake and don't want to pass out in the living room. I truly hate being DRUNK...I have for a long time. Oh there were times I did have a good time...if lots was going on around me and I was dancing...and I do think of those times fondly, I'm not going to lie. But I haven't had an experience like that in a very long time. I don't like people seeing me drunk, so when I'd start feeling that way, I'd get myself home somehow (usually to my husband's dismay~he holds his liquor much better than I do) and then go straight to bed. Those are the times I keep reminding myself of now...but it's hard not knowing who I really am without al. And wondering if my marriage will make it through this 'change'...I didn't drink anything like this when we were first married. I was strong and proud of myself...then life happens and I started using al to 'deal' with things, but in reality I wasn't dealing with them at all.
              Anyway, WIP, thanks for the post, I know I'll come back to it time and again.:goodjob::thanks:
              One step forward, two steps back...:h
              I will do this!

              Comment


                Tool box

                30 days of sobriety for Petrelhead.

                Hi all. I've been on this forum a little over 30 days now, mostly posting on the newbies nest. It was suggested by Pavati and Birdlady that I post my 30 day acceptance speech here in the toolbox for those who might find it useful on their journey to a AF and happy life.

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Byrdlady
                Petrel, it is a great honor to be able to present this small token to you for 30 AF days! You have climbed out of the rabbit hole and fought tooth (Dentist joke) and nail to do it! 30 days doesn't just happen, it takes commitment and a strong treatment plan. We are so proud of you! Do you have a few words as to how you did it? What worked, what didn't. You know the drill! With great pleasure:

                Thanks BL!!! Yes, I fight teeth all day

                I'm not sure exactly why it's worked so well this time. I know when I first came here, 1 month ago, I said I can be very stubborn when I want to be. I choose my fights carefully.

                In the past, I never took quiting Al that seriously. I wanted to stop. I would give up for a few weeks to bluff my way through a blood test, to convince my Doctor that all was good. But I was just fooling myself. After getting through the blood test, I figured I could have a few drinks over the weekend, and then become sensible the following week. Trouble is, it never happened. The daily dependence started again.

                Anyway, I made the decision to quit for 3 months, which would end just prior to my 50 th birthday. I knew I could do it. I just needed will power and determination. I found getting home at 5.30 after a solid day at work, was the most vulnerable time. The "witching hour".......we all know it. So I made sure I had plenty of destractions and alternatives. I found that Al was often just related to boredom.

                I also decided to set a realistic but difficult goal of mine......to run a marathon. I've done plenty of running, and remained fit for my age, so it's not a massive goal, but it's a big one. I should have enough preparation time in the 4 months I've allowed myself. I know if I was drinking every night, even moderately, I just wouldn't get up in the morning, on a consistant basis and train adequately for it. So that's been a key aspect of my plan. So already, my 3 month plan is now going to be at least 4.5 months. Perhaps beyond.

                Lastly, the wonderful support and friendship, sharing of good & bad experiences has been intergral. There is never a day I don't log on. This really is such an important part of getting through "our" problem. It's such a powerful environment to beat alcoholism. To anybody just starting out, please, if nothing else, stick around here and stay in contact. This is the best environment to beat this problem.

                Comment


                  Tool box

                  30 days of sobriety for Petrelhead.

                  Hi all. I've been on this forum a little over 30 days now, mostly posting on the newbies nest. It was suggested by Pavati and Birdlady that I post my 30 day acceptance speech here in the toolbox for those who might find it useful on their journey to a AF and happy life.

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Byrdlady
                  Petrel, it is a great honor to be able to present this small token to you for 30 AF days! You have climbed out of the rabbit hole and fought tooth (Dentist joke) and nail to do it! 30 days doesn't just happen, it takes commitment and a strong treatment plan. We are so proud of you! Do you have a few words as to how you did it? What worked, what didn't. You know the drill! With great pleasure:

                  Thanks BL!!! Yes, I fight teeth all day

                  I'm not sure exactly why it's worked so well this time. I know when I first came here, 1 month ago, I said I can be very stubborn when I want to be. I choose my fights carefully.

                  In the past, I never took quiting Al that seriously. I wanted to stop. I would give up for a few weeks to bluff my way through a blood test, to convince my Doctor that all was good. But I was just fooling myself. After getting through the blood test, I figured I could have a few drinks over the weekend, and then become sensible the following week. Trouble is, it never happened. The daily dependence started again.

                  Anyway, I made the decision to quit for 3 months, which would end just prior to my 50 th birthday. I knew I could do it. I just needed will power and determination. I found getting home at 5.30 after a solid day at work, was the most vulnerable time. The "witching hour".......we all know it. So I made sure I had plenty of destractions and alternatives. I found that Al was often just related to boredom.

                  I also decided to set a realistic but difficult goal of mine......to run a marathon. I've done plenty of running, and remained fit for my age, so it's not a massive goal, but it's a big one. I should have enough preparation time in the 4 months I've allowed myself. I know if I was drinking every night, even moderately, I just wouldn't get up in the morning, on a consistant basis and train adequately for it. So that's been a key aspect of my plan. So already, my 3 month plan is now going to be at least 4.5 months. Perhaps beyond.

                  Lastly, the wonderful support and friendship, sharing of good & bad experiences has been intergral. There is never a day I don't log on. This really is such an important part of getting through "our" problem. It's such a powerful environment to beat alcoholism. To anybody just starting out, please, if nothing else, stick around here and stay in contact. This is the best environment to beat this problem.

                  Comment


                    Tool box

                    Realisation after 30 days (second time !)

                    On request of Byrdlady here my thoughts after achieving 30 days AF ( second time in last 10 years):

                    Day 30 : A man was trapped in a Magic Dungeon along with several others sick people. They all could see light and blue sky only for few hours in a day for rest of time there were in misery and darkness. They all felt sick, depressed, guilty, half un conscious. Trapped the only way out was a wall steep high and difficult to climb. Everyone said you can't climb the wall. It's impossible to escape. He tried first time to climb the wall reached a point from where he could see the world ... It took him 30 days ... Enjoying fresh air, feel the sunset. Instead of climbing up he stood there for a while enjoying the freshness and forgot that he was still holding on to the wall he was climbing. He lost the grip and fell back to dungeon ! Hurt and he felt hopeless, depressed and more and more in capable.

                    But he tried again claimed the wall reach the same point only at this point he realised something which he didn't the last time ... He didn't have to climb so up and so hard and high to reach the point of feeling freshness. It was as easy as climbing steps. The freshness we could feel in air just with in 7 days ... Was he less determined he was this time ? No .... Rather he was lot less hopeful. Soon had realised that this Dungeon is his own creation. Creation of his mind. He earlier CHOSE to stay in dungeon, he chose to believe that he is trapped, he chose to believe that there is no way out. He chose to believe that it's hard to climb up and utterly impossible to escape. He chose to believe that it will need a lot of effort.

                    All he had to do was to change his thought process and imagine he is not in dungeon and he can choose to be free. He chose not to believe he is trapped or it will take a LOT of willpower to come out.

                    Then he realised that this "Dungeon" is magical ... If he believed he wanted to be in a garden with lots of flowers he found himself in that place. He was not in a bad place at all ....

                    The man is me ... The place where I have always been was not a Dungeon but LIFE .... We cannot ESCAPE from it but we can SHAPE it .... Just the way WE WANT !
                    We choose to feel miserable,
                    choose to feel helpless,
                    choose not to feel in control
                    Choose to feel sad, unhappy,
                    Choose to stay addicted,
                    Or we can make life
                    beautiful
                    Be grateful to each and everything that comes along EVERYDAY
                    Colour this life which was a blank canvas with bright colors
                    At the same time choose not get affected by all bad things that happen in life
                    Choose to learn from experiences and wrong decisions and improve
                    Choose to stay sober
                    Choose to view AL as poison
                    Choose to Post everyday on MWO or waste time on face book showing off (ok ... I feel that way )
                    ---------------------------------------

                    Thanks for wishes and hat byrdlady ... But I am not satisfied, I want to embrace long term sobriety, I was not prepared first time but am now ... Please suggest and guide .... As you may have noticed. I am not adopting strategy of "controlling", "restricting" , "rationing" ... When event I have tried that I have always felt more deprived, MORE thirsty, more guilty, more miserable, unhappy, I have been working on attitude of gratitude, celebration (for being sober) etc.

                    So far working on my Attitude has been the key for staying sober ...

                    Tell me how can I be long term sober ?
                    Rahul
                    --------------------------------------------
                    Rewiring my brain ... done ...
                    Updating brain "attitude" firmware ... done ...
                    Rebooting ... done ...
                    Restarted program called "Life" ... started successfully ...

                    Comment


                      Tool box

                      Realisation after 30 days (second time !)

                      On request of Byrdlady here my thoughts after achieving 30 days AF ( second time in last 10 years):

                      Day 30 : A man was trapped in a Magic Dungeon along with several others sick people. They all could see light and blue sky only for few hours in a day for rest of time there were in misery and darkness. They all felt sick, depressed, guilty, half un conscious. Trapped the only way out was a wall steep high and difficult to climb. Everyone said you can't climb the wall. It's impossible to escape. He tried first time to climb the wall reached a point from where he could see the world ... It took him 30 days ... Enjoying fresh air, feel the sunset. Instead of climbing up he stood there for a while enjoying the freshness and forgot that he was still holding on to the wall he was climbing. He lost the grip and fell back to dungeon ! Hurt and he felt hopeless, depressed and more and more in capable.

                      But he tried again claimed the wall reach the same point only at this point he realised something which he didn't the last time ... He didn't have to climb so up and so hard and high to reach the point of feeling freshness. It was as easy as climbing steps. The freshness we could feel in air just with in 7 days ... Was he less determined he was this time ? No .... Rather he was lot less hopeful. Soon had realised that this Dungeon is his own creation. Creation of his mind. He earlier CHOSE to stay in dungeon, he chose to believe that he is trapped, he chose to believe that there is no way out. He chose to believe that it's hard to climb up and utterly impossible to escape. He chose to believe that it will need a lot of effort.

                      All he had to do was to change his thought process and imagine he is not in dungeon and he can choose to be free. He chose not to believe he is trapped or it will take a LOT of willpower to come out.

                      Then he realised that this "Dungeon" is magical ... If he believed he wanted to be in a garden with lots of flowers he found himself in that place. He was not in a bad place at all ....

                      The man is me ... The place where I have always been was not a Dungeon but LIFE .... We cannot ESCAPE from it but we can SHAPE it .... Just the way WE WANT !
                      We choose to feel miserable,
                      choose to feel helpless,
                      choose not to feel in control
                      Choose to feel sad, unhappy,
                      Choose to stay addicted,
                      Or we can make life
                      beautiful
                      Be grateful to each and everything that comes along EVERYDAY
                      Colour this life which was a blank canvas with bright colors
                      At the same time choose not get affected by all bad things that happen in life
                      Choose to learn from experiences and wrong decisions and improve
                      Choose to stay sober
                      Choose to view AL as poison
                      Choose to Post everyday on MWO or waste time on face book showing off (ok ... I feel that way )
                      ---------------------------------------

                      Thanks for wishes and hat byrdlady ... But I am not satisfied, I want to embrace long term sobriety, I was not prepared first time but am now ... Please suggest and guide .... As you may have noticed. I am not adopting strategy of "controlling", "restricting" , "rationing" ... When event I have tried that I have always felt more deprived, MORE thirsty, more guilty, more miserable, unhappy, I have been working on attitude of gratitude, celebration (for being sober) etc.

                      So far working on my Attitude has been the key for staying sober ...

                      Tell me how can I be long term sober ?
                      Rahul
                      --------------------------------------------
                      Rewiring my brain ... done ...
                      Updating brain "attitude" firmware ... done ...
                      Rebooting ... done ...
                      Restarted program called "Life" ... started successfully ...

                      Comment


                        Tool box

                        Reposted with permission by NotHappyHourHappyLife, dated 4/1/14 in the thread, "Following in my Father's footsteps".

                        I first found this web site a couple of years ago, stayed for about 4 months- found myself "addicted" so to speak of being on here versus living in the "now" with my family.... drifted away, told myself I could "moderate", and like you, I pretended to have a normal relationship with alcohol.

                        Well, I'm back, this time, with a strong conviction that I must change- and I'm proud to say that I haven't drank since early February. When I was growing up, my dad never had a relationship with alcohol, but my mom did.... I remember being 17 years old and getting suddenly woken up by my dad at 3 in the morning with a question: "How much did your mother drink last night?" You see, my dad would go to bed at 10 pm and my mom was a "night owl"- would stay up and drink her hidden cocktails and watch the Tonight Show, Night Line, and then maybe "Baretta".

                        On that night, after my mom went to bed, she woke up to use the bathroom and rather than taking a left to return to her bedroom, she took a right and fell down the flight of 8 steps.

                        Onto the marble floor.

                        My dad heard her fall, and found my mom with two broken wrists, a broken nose, a broken jaw, a screwed up knee cap.... we called 9-1-1. When my mom got to the hospital, they tested her BAC and she was at a .23- so while she was in severe pain, they could not give her any drugs until she dried out. Horrific to see my mom like that- remember, I was only 17.

                        With two broken wrists, she was literally crippled, and could not drink. As an impressionable young lady, I vowed "I would never be like her"...

                        Guess what, Taya, I grew up to be just like her. The difference is that I didn't literally fall down the proverbial stairs, but in some ways, I was worse. You see, I thought my kids didn't notice my drinking, and they did. Read my other posts to see my life journey.

                        The first day to go alcohol free is physically hard to do- the physical withdrawals can be intense- you may be short tempered, your mind may race with a million reasons why you are "over reacting".... and this little temptress called Pinot Noir may quietly tap you on the shoulder and tell you to "just have a little glass to take the edge off".

                        Knowledge is power. If you know this is normal, you can combat it- prepare for it... buy a special drink, like a new tea, or sparkling water and cranberry juice with a twist of lime- so that when you get this feeling, you fill your drinking hand with a healthy alternative.

                        You come on here. You journal, you read, you cry. You post. You decide.

                        I found a website for women about sobriety and they advocate doing a journal. Whether you are religious or not, journaling your reasons why YOU want to change YOU can help you decide what your next day will hold.

                        Taya, tell yourself that you CAN drink tomorrow- just not today. Bargain with yourself that you need 30 days to decide whether you will quit drinking all together, or if you will decide to try to moderate. But for today, you will stop.

                        The money is in the morning! When you wake up, and that hazy feeling you mention.... where you are half-assing it through the morning... when you wake up and THAT feeling isn't there --> WOW!

                        It's not all sunny days and roses. Remember, even roses are grown in manure, and there is weeding to be done and thorns to avoid. But the beauty is when you KNOW that YOU are truly there for your children.... when YOUR children don't have to think, like I did, "I will never be like her."

                        Patty

                        __________________
                        "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
                        so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."
                        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                        Tool Box
                        Newbie's Nest

                        Comment


                          Tool box

                          Reposted with permission by NotHappyHourHappyLife, dated 4/1/14 in the thread, "Following in my Father's footsteps".

                          I first found this web site a couple of years ago, stayed for about 4 months- found myself "addicted" so to speak of being on here versus living in the "now" with my family.... drifted away, told myself I could "moderate", and like you, I pretended to have a normal relationship with alcohol.

                          Well, I'm back, this time, with a strong conviction that I must change- and I'm proud to say that I haven't drank since early February. When I was growing up, my dad never had a relationship with alcohol, but my mom did.... I remember being 17 years old and getting suddenly woken up by my dad at 3 in the morning with a question: "How much did your mother drink last night?" You see, my dad would go to bed at 10 pm and my mom was a "night owl"- would stay up and drink her hidden cocktails and watch the Tonight Show, Night Line, and then maybe "Baretta".

                          On that night, after my mom went to bed, she woke up to use the bathroom and rather than taking a left to return to her bedroom, she took a right and fell down the flight of 8 steps.

                          Onto the marble floor.

                          My dad heard her fall, and found my mom with two broken wrists, a broken nose, a broken jaw, a screwed up knee cap.... we called 9-1-1. When my mom got to the hospital, they tested her BAC and she was at a .23- so while she was in severe pain, they could not give her any drugs until she dried out. Horrific to see my mom like that- remember, I was only 17.

                          With two broken wrists, she was literally crippled, and could not drink. As an impressionable young lady, I vowed "I would never be like her"...

                          Guess what, Taya, I grew up to be just like her. The difference is that I didn't literally fall down the proverbial stairs, but in some ways, I was worse. You see, I thought my kids didn't notice my drinking, and they did. Read my other posts to see my life journey.

                          The first day to go alcohol free is physically hard to do- the physical withdrawals can be intense- you may be short tempered, your mind may race with a million reasons why you are "over reacting".... and this little temptress called Pinot Noir may quietly tap you on the shoulder and tell you to "just have a little glass to take the edge off".

                          Knowledge is power. If you know this is normal, you can combat it- prepare for it... buy a special drink, like a new tea, or sparkling water and cranberry juice with a twist of lime- so that when you get this feeling, you fill your drinking hand with a healthy alternative.

                          You come on here. You journal, you read, you cry. You post. You decide.

                          I found a website for women about sobriety and they advocate doing a journal. Whether you are religious or not, journaling your reasons why YOU want to change YOU can help you decide what your next day will hold.

                          Taya, tell yourself that you CAN drink tomorrow- just not today. Bargain with yourself that you need 30 days to decide whether you will quit drinking all together, or if you will decide to try to moderate. But for today, you will stop.

                          The money is in the morning! When you wake up, and that hazy feeling you mention.... where you are half-assing it through the morning... when you wake up and THAT feeling isn't there --> WOW!

                          It's not all sunny days and roses. Remember, even roses are grown in manure, and there is weeding to be done and thorns to avoid. But the beauty is when you KNOW that YOU are truly there for your children.... when YOUR children don't have to think, like I did, "I will never be like her."

                          Patty

                          __________________
                          "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
                          so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."
                          All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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                          Newbie's Nest

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                            Reading here really gives me strength and renews my determination to be AL free.

                            Gratitude means so much to me. I know I get into the Deprivation mode sometimes and then if I am out I think "oh, I'll just have one or two, it makes me feel good"
                            Its in those moments I forget how lucky and happy I am to be in control and NOT to be drinking AL. I forget to be grateful for that.

                            I am not a moderator. I have tried that many times and it may work at the beginning but then I slide right back into being hungover, sick and feeling embarassed and humiliated.

                            So glad you are all here posting and giving your perspective on this. Thank you.

                            I really liked what Kuya and then Byrdlady said:
                            I have starved her for years with eating disorders.
                            Told her she was fat and ugly time and time again.
                            Made her work far too hard and gave her hardly any breaks.
                            No matter how well she did or hard she worked I was never satisfied with her
                            I never treated her to enough new clothes or did nice things for her to make her feel good.
                            I fed her drugs every day to shut her up so I didn't have to listen to her.
                            When she was obviously getting ill I ignored her and didn't get her help.

                            If this was a child you were given to raise you would be jailed for neglect.
                            That is so true.
                            Narilly

                            "Nothing in this World Can take the place of Persistence"
                            "You can have the life you want OR you can Drink"

                            AF April 12, 2014

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                              Reading here really gives me strength and renews my determination to be AL free.

                              Gratitude means so much to me. I know I get into the Deprivation mode sometimes and then if I am out I think "oh, I'll just have one or two, it makes me feel good"
                              Its in those moments I forget how lucky and happy I am to be in control and NOT to be drinking AL. I forget to be grateful for that.

                              I am not a moderator. I have tried that many times and it may work at the beginning but then I slide right back into being hungover, sick and feeling embarassed and humiliated.

                              So glad you are all here posting and giving your perspective on this. Thank you.

                              I really liked what Kuya and then Byrdlady said:
                              I have starved her for years with eating disorders.
                              Told her she was fat and ugly time and time again.
                              Made her work far too hard and gave her hardly any breaks.
                              No matter how well she did or hard she worked I was never satisfied with her
                              I never treated her to enough new clothes or did nice things for her to make her feel good.
                              I fed her drugs every day to shut her up so I didn't have to listen to her.
                              When she was obviously getting ill I ignored her and didn't get her help.

                              If this was a child you were given to raise you would be jailed for neglect.
                              That is so true.
                              Narilly

                              "Nothing in this World Can take the place of Persistence"
                              "You can have the life you want OR you can Drink"

                              AF April 12, 2014

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                                Bumpity bump.

                                Just because!
                                14 October 2013 was the first day of the best days of my life!

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